oh lord help me, i'm getting my litigate on...

I’m sure you are all dying to know what drama has made its way into my ordinarily boring life. I won’t disappoint, I can promise you that much. I would have written a blog about this earlier, but it would have been short and not worth the effort. It would have looked a little something like this…

I need to make better dating decisions in the future. My idiot of an ex-boyfriend apparently adopted a very sad, clearly previously abused, and VERY SICK (green snot coming out of its nose and eyes) pit-bull without my knowledge. Furthermore, his dumbass left the 60-70lb dog for me to deal with. I have a dog (Pug / Chihuahua Mix) already and 2 cats. None of my creatures are over 25lbs and why on God’s green earth would I want ANOTHER animal and a gianormous pit-bull at that?! Hell, I didn’t even want the Pug Mix dog, but that was another little gem my glowing ex-idiot brought home. And for the record, I tried to ACTIVELY get rid of that dog, but it somehow always fell through, in one way or another. After taking him to 3 shelters that didn’t allow for animal intake, I looked at the little bugger and said – Whelp, I guess it was meant to be that you would be my dog and I guess we’re stuck together. Directly after that, I spent the money to get him fixed and THEN for the first time ever, I began training the beast. I should say that I am still training him… Sigh… And then I would have followed that up with a conclusion that would have sounded a little something like this – at 31, you would think I would be better at this whole dating thing or making better life decisions in general.

Pretty boring, eh? Right well, that would have been the end of that, except no it has managed to get itself all spun out of control.

So my ex basically dumps the dog at the house and then expected that I would take care of it. Uh yeah, tell you what buddy… heck no. And the really awesome part is that he just decided that he was going to adopt the dog and not tell me a darned thing about it and I was supposed to just “deal with it”. Oh, I dealt with it alright. I called the City of Plano and reported an abandoned dog and that someone needed to come pick it up ASAP. It wasn’t my dog. I didn’t adopt it. And I certainly wasn’t going to take care of it. Hell, I was already taking care of the 1st dog that he brought home. So a chick from the City of Plano / Animal Control Officer comes out and picks the dog up. I sign all the papers and he was out of my life, entirely. Or, so I thought.

I reported the dog on a Wednesday and by Friday, I had a notice on my door saying that I owned the dog and I needed to come and either pick it up or sign him back over and pay a fee or some such nonsense. ALSO, the Animal Control Officer reported me for not having my other dog registered, so when I got the notice on my door on Friday, it said – You MUST come by the City of Plano Animal Shelter and get your dog registered and either pick up the pit-bull or sign him back over and pay the fee NO LATER than by 3:00pm CST on Saturday or I would be cited / receive a citation. I collected my idiot ex and the dog I needed to get registered and went to the Animal Shelter to deal with this shit-show.

As we’re there taking care of all the things that were stipulate on the notice on my door, the very manly-looking woman at the desk apparently got a wild hair and decided to be a detective because she didn’t believe that the dog was not mine. She asked something like – did the dogs get along at all? And I said no. I don’t know, because they didn’t. But that wasn’t why the dog was being returned. The dog was returned because I didn’t own it. My ex did and he signed the dog back over to the city and that was that. Except, no… it wasn’t. Because I said the 2 dogs didn’t get along, she took that to mean that I knew about the adoption and was just wasting the city’s time and money so she wanted to teach me a lesson, of some-sort. She handed me something that appeared to be a receipt at first glance that needed a signature. I signed it without really paying attention, because had I been paying attention, I would have never signed it. It turned out that she decided to ISSUE ME A CITATION FOR INTERFERING WITH A CITY OFFICER. When I realized what it was, I was immediately riled up and demanded an explanation for why I was receiving a citation when I did everything and THEN some of what was asked of me. She smugly, like she’d caught a 4-year old in a lie said – You just said you brought the dog back because they didn’t get along. And I said, right on top of her still talking – I told you that I had the dog a few days waiting on its owner to take care of it, and because of that the 2 dogs were around each other some – enough that when I took my dog out to his backyard to use the bathroom, the pit and my dog weren’t the friendliest and my dog was very over protective of me at that point. I was more worried that my 10-12lbs pug would be killed by the 60-70lbs pit. So no, they didn’t get along, you butch bitch.

Her response was simple, a smug eye-closed shrug followed by her saying – Well, I guess you can take that up with the judge. The judge?! WTF is all this?! Are you serious? Whatever, it all makes perfect sense when you think about the random occurrences that are my life.

So I give it a few days before I go and see what I can do about this citation. The guy at the counter tells me that I can dispute the citation, try and defer it, or just out right pay the citation and move on. I had decided that if the citation was $100 or less, I was just going to pay it and be over this whole stupid situation. I asked how much the citation was and the guy tells me it is $400. UH, NO! Not only no, but hell no. I then asked about how I can dispute the citation under the pretext that I wasn’t even at fault for what I was being accused of. There was very serious jargon passed back and forth before I decided that I was going to need to set a court date. The guy then tells me that the date that I will be scheduled to appear on, will be my opportunity to talk to the prosecutor and request to have the citation dismissed. Ok, well that sounded easy enough and it was going to be so easy to dispute this citation that I thought I would be done with it snip-snap quickly. Of course this was NOT the case. I really don’t know why I thought it would be. The laws of the universe would suggest otherwise. Court date to meet with the prosecutor was set for January 28, 2013 at 1:30pm CST.

Monday 1/28/2013
I arrive at the Plano Court House at 12:45pm CST to be the first on the docket, which I was. While I was waiting for my appearance time, the hallway began filling up with people. I would estimate somewhere around 50-ish different people who all were scheduled to appear on the same date at the same time as I was scheduled to be seen. I thought that seemed like a lot to have scheduled for 1 time, but then things began to get far clearer as we all started to ask each other why we had to appear. And I shit you not, EVERY SINGLE PERSON THERE was there to appear and/or dispute a citation given by the City of Plano / Animal Control Division. Ok, that is just flat out ridiculous. The Animal Control people have clearly gone off the rails! I can only surmise that they had around 50-people to be seen daily by the judge every hour, on the hour. Insanity! One guy told me he was cited by the City of Plano because he didn’t have a permit to groom HIS OWN animal. Now… what?! First, I was trying to figure out how the hell that situation even happened and then I reflected back on my own situation. Turns out, the Animal Control people don’t need much of a reason to write you a citation, even if you didn’t legally deserve one. Once I arrived that that conclusion, I didn’t even bother to ask the guy to elaborate further. Another guy was there because he was cited when his own dog, which was being walked on a leash by his girlfriend, got a little too rambunctious and pulled his girlfriend to the ground. For whatever reason, Animal Control got involved and when he was explaining what happened, the officer asked if his girlfriend was injured at all. He answered that she had scraped her hand when she fell and the second he admitted that, they cited him for that AND quarantined for observation for 3-days, of which he had to pay for each day they determined the dog needed to be quarantined. Are you friggin serious?! Just plain ridiculous, is what this shit show was all about.

We all get called into the court room at 1 time, and because I was there first, I was first to talk with the judge. When he calls me up to the bench, he tells me that the prosecutor has recommended that my citation be deferred for 6-months and I would need to pay the NOW $540 in citation costs and court fees and then I could be on my way. UH, NO! Not only no, but hell no! So I say to him – I was under the impression that I would be able to make a case to the prosecutor to potentially have this whole thing dismissed. How did he defer my citation if I never even spoke with him? The judge tells me – Do you want to talk to the prosecutor? I replied – Can I do that? And he just barked at me to take a seat. While I waited, pretty much everyone behind me was asking to meet with the prosecutor. Again, a total shit show.

After waiting for what felt like forever, the prosecutor calls me into the hallway to talk. I could tell by his demeanor that he hated his life followed by hating his job. Whatever, it’s the career you chose buddy. I had a file folder showing that I wasn't the owner of the dog I was accused of owning, plus a bunch of other paperwork that showed this was completely ludicrous. He doesn’t so much as look up from the papers he had in his hands (that I know with 100% certainty were unrelated to me and my case) to tell me, that he had no knowledge of my case and therefore would not be able to do anything for me. I then explained to him that I was told I could make a case to him and he could make a recommendation to the courts. He repeated back, dripping in disgust for even having to talk to me at all – I have no knowledge of your case or the details to make that kind of recommendation.

Now wait a minute here?! You have no facts to make a recommendation to dismiss the citation, but you did have enough details to recommend that it be deferred? How it that possible? If you have enough information to defer it, then you have enough information to recommend having it dismissed. What if my citation had me waving a knife around at an Animal Control Officer and I was a potential menace to society?! You’d just defer that violation too?! WTF is going on here and in what alternate universe have I just friggin stepped into?! Where did you get the details to recommend that my citation be deferred? And I kid you not, he said – I called the City of Plano Animal Shelter and got the basic facts and made a recommendation based on that. So I said – Wait a minute, have you looked around here today? Everyone here is here for a City of Plano / Animal Control citation. You really think that what they are saying happened is the God’s honest truth? How many of these citations come through here on a daily basis. Are you telling me that you called the people that make you hate your life on a daily basis to get the facts of the case to make a recommendation to the courts? How backwards does this rabbit whole really go, because I am starting to lose track of reality and start staring at the Cheshire Cat. In the here and now, Alice and Wonderland is making far more sense than it ever did before. This is where I am at man… and you are just telling me that I’m up Shit Creek sans a paddle?! This can’t be how the judicial system really works, is it?!

He was unimpressed by my monologue and as physically put off as far as he was willing to go when he said – You can schedule a court date and then you can have your day in court (and said under his breath 2-inches away from me… like he buddy, I can friggin HEAR you) like you clearly want, by setting a court date. Or you can pay the fine and be done with it. I said – Let me ask you this, with how this is going, I could go adopt a dog in my name but to YOUR address and then drop the little darling off in front of your house. When you (or anyone else, for that matter) calls Animal Control to get the dog and the dog comes back as registered to your address, THEN you can have a $400 citation issued to you for Interfering with a City Officer / Animal Control Officer. Now, how ridiculous does that sound?! This guy wasn't trying to hear a damned thing I had to say or look at 1 piece of documentation that I had with me, when he said back to me – I have no knowledge of the facts of your case and will not make a recommendation to have it dismissed at this point in time.

My response back to that AND I QUOTE – I’m not paying 1 single dollar for this damned dog, of which I don’t even own. He said back to me – Ok, fine. I will put you back on the list to see the judge and I will let him know you don’t want to pay 1 single dollar for this damned dog. To which I said – Hey now, let’s not get to hasty. I don’t think the judge needs to have that EXACT message sent back to him. He said – Well you felt perfectly comfortable saying it to me, so I don’t see why you wouldn't be comfortable with me telling your exact words to the judge. SON OF A… I said – You’re right and I apologize. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that and I certainly don’t want that to be translated back to the judge (who I could tell wasn't feeling me or his life / job either). He snapped at me to go back in the courtroom and wait my turn.

The judge called me back up and asked me what I had decided – to accept the deferred recommendation and pay the fine, etc. or plead not guilty. Now, I have served on enough juries and been the foreman on all of the trials I have sat on, to know that the verbiage was getting a little too serious for my liking. So I said – Not guilty. He then asked me if I wanted a trial by judge or jury. There was a split second where I thought, I should select a trial by jury. Why the eff not?! I figured if my day had to be ruined, I might as well ruin 13 (don’t forget the alternate) people’s lives that day because that was just about how ridiculous I felt this was headed. I ultimately opted for a trial by judge. I mean, should things go sideways here, I could be on the hook for a lot more than the $540 I now supposedly owed. But this whole situation had just pissed me off so badly, that I had to fight it. Court date was then set for Tuesday 3/5/2013. I seriously can’t even believe I have a legit court date over this nonsense. Again, I don’t know why I am surprised. This is the way things ALWAYS happen to me.

When I left there, I went on a mission to build my damned case. I printed out all my bills and my bank accounts showing how I am the only name on my bills and I am the only one who paid the bills to the home I live in. I got a copy of my lease, again, with only my name on it. I got my renters insurance information and bank statements to validate I’m the one paying for all that junk. The next thing I did was call the City of Plano Animal Shelter and ask for the adoption papers for the pit-bull. Oh and you’ll love this little gem of a call and how it played out. They told me that they couldn’t provide it to me because it has personal information on it – like the person’s name and address, etc. So I said back to then – YEAH IT’S MY PERSONAL INFORMATION ON THAT ADOPTION PAPER, WHICH IS WHY I EVEN HAVE TO GO TO COURT IN THE FIRST PLACE. She put me on hold and then came back and said – Oh, since you are in the middle of litigating this case, I can’t actually speak to you any further on this matter. So I said – Wait, what? I am being accused of owning this dog by YOU (City of Plano Animal Shelter) and I am being told that you will NOT provide me with the documentation clearly showing that I don’t own this dog?! Did that really just happen? Did you REALLY just say that to me? She said – You can request an Open Records Request on the City of Plano Website, and you might be able to get that paperwork there. KEY WORD – might. I swear, my patience was thinning to a break point.

I got of the call with that genius and found how to request the papers I needed. And the ONLY thing that has gone REMOTELY in my favor was that I didn't have to harp on them past my initial request to have them send me the official adoption papers, WHICH clearly showed that I did not adopt the dog, I didn't sign for the adoption of the dog, and I was basically not attached to the dog in any way shape or form OTHER THAN a complete moron put my address down as his residence. That’s it folks. That’s why I am even having to do any of this at all. I’ll bet that 99% of the people who go into a court date pay the deferred costs, go on probation and chalk it up as a loss, because who really has the time to deal with all of this friggin mess?

My answer to that is ME, I do. I just made myself REALLY un-busy to make this a #1 priority right now. This is so damned ridiculous that it’s pissing me off just thinking about it while I am writing this. GRRR…

A follow-up blog will be forthcoming, once I have my “day in court” in March. I might get arrested that day, we’ll see. But for now, if you ask me what I am working on, I will probably say – I’m getting my litigate on.

another day, another less than satisfied customer...

What is it with people feeling like that just have to be in my business all the damned time?! I’ve been needing to go to Wal-Mart for groceries for what seems like an eternity. I had lots of house guests around New Years / most of January 2013 AND I was like deathly sick for the majority of it all. So I decided that Sunday was the day. $400-and-some-odd-nonsense later, I am almost restocked.

So I’m in the ice-cream section. I grabbed 2 boxes of ice-cream sandwiches, because they’re always nice to have around for my niece, guests and mostly myself. Whatever, I’m like hovering at 147lbs these days, I’m darn near 6’ tall and damnit, I can eat some ice-cream if I want to. Now, I will admit, my shopping cart looked like that of a stoner shopping for nom-noms, but I literally needed something from every section of the damned place since it had been over a month since I went grocery… hell shopping at all.

This older lady sees me grabbing the 2 boxes of ice-creamed delights. She looked at me, raised her eyebrows judgmentally and pursed her lips in surprise mixed with distaste. We made eye contact. Based on the unspoken conversation she was having with me, I felt compelled to offer some sort of explanation for the explosion in my shopping cart.

ME: I haven’t been shopping in a very long time!!
HER: (with a look suggesting she didn’t believe 1 word I was condescendingly saying) Uh huh. I see.
ME: Hey it is what it is. (I slid around to the other side of her to grab some vanilla ice-cream cups… want to know why? Because screw her, that’s why.)
HER: Waiting so long and shopping like you are isn’t ever a good idea and never really works out.
ME: I’m going to make no apologies for my shopping cart or the obscene amount of ice-cream I’m about to buy.
HER: Well obviously you don’t care about your weight or health very much. Why would I expect you to apologize?
ME: Whelp, I’m not. So it would appear like it worked out 100% in my favor, now didn’t it?
HER: (she LITERALLY GASPED and threw her southern “why I do declare” hand over her heart saying) I can’t believe you would be so disrespectful to an elder.
ME: I can’t believe that you even felt the need to judge what I was putting in my cart. Let’s start there, if we’re going to start anywhere.

I was already walking off at that point, so I didn’t wait around to finish the completely ridiculous conversation with her. She said something else as I walked off about how I should have been spanked more as a child or something along those lines. PS – If she knew how much I was actually spanked as a child, she might not have even bothered to engage in this conversation with me. I was spanked often. Most people have met me might say that it wasn’t enough. But this broad?

Sweet baby Moses. WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWNSELVES PEOPLE! Sigh… another day, another less than satisfied customer.

i can definitely handle... but only if i start it...

So back in the diz-ay, when I was a bit more agile and feisty, I was always readily available to get silly with not much provocation. Now that I am encroaching on good ol’ 31 years of age, I’ve definitely taken a far different approach on situations that are heading towards a bar fight. It’s been my perspective over the last couple of years that duking it out in a bar is for the chumps and really is downright silly. Before I was snuggling with being old-and-busted, it wouldn’t have taken me very much to start taking off my jewelry, shoes, handing my purse off for safe keeping and screaming at someone to – braid my hair – because it was about to be on like Donkey Kong whilst heading to the nearest exit to handle bid-nas. Now a-days, I take the – hey man, it’s not that serious… can I just buy you a shot and let’s call it a day? – approach. It’s been working out pretty swimmingly, if you ask me. It should be known that if that little maneuver does not kill a situation quicker than not, I can always step up to the plate with the only difference being that it will probably take me the better part of 2-weeks to recover. But I can still handle when needed, I just haven’t really needed to in the last several years.

I say all that to say this next part. The part where things went terribly awry and I found myself smack-dab on the ass end of a fight that I had no idea was about to happen and had nothing to do with me.

I was at a little hole-in-the-wall bar recently, hanging out with the boyfriend and a couple of his friends that I hadn’t met before. Things were going just fine, initially. I was feeling a little frisky and had had, what I would consider to be, a little more alcohol than would have been recommended by, well anyone. But that’s where things were.

One of the guys that we were hanging out with that night had a girl with him. The way they were acting, I surmised that this wasn’t their first date. Reality of the situation was that – no, it wasn’t their literal first date – but it was definitely ONE of their first dates. The particular bar we were at, I had not been to before, but this guy had and had apparently had several first dates with several different girls that frequented that bar. He was calling them stalkers. I was calling them a byproduct of bad decisions given that it makes it hard to call a girl a stalker when you picked her up at her local watering-hole. Just sayin.

Well, his harem of left over broads had put their differences aside and formed a rock solid alliance. They were apparently expressing that they really weren’t feeling the fact that he had chosen to return to that bar with a girl that looked 12 and was really as cute as a button. Fair enough, but holy smokes… it’s not the Gangs of New York or anything, but they were clearly on a mission to prove a point.

I should note that I had ZERO idea about ANY of this until I was standing alone, face-to-face with 6 girls, again ALONE, and trapped in a bathroom the size of a pico-dot (pico roughly means: one trillionth part of x… AKA REAL effin small).

While we’re sitting at our table, the cute-as-a-button girl says – hey, will you come to the bathroom with me? Ordinarily, I would not have placated that request with an obligatory – yes – but I really needed to visit the facility at that point in time anyhow, so I said – sure. I hopped up and followed the way. Well, had I had like, I don’t know, 2 of my wits about me still intact, I would have realized she was asking me for a reason. I completely missed that little factor when I without reservation said – yes – to her request.

This particular bathroom was quite possibly the ABSOLUTE worst place to be in, strategically and logistically speaking, to be outnumbered and forced into a fight.

Alright, so again, I was completely oblivious to what was going on with this chick and this gang of chicks that had been building up aggressions for hours apparently (thus the bathroom invitation from who I will now forever refer to as – Dumbass). Dumbass walks in the bathroom first and I followed her in when I get that looming feel that something had shifted negatively in my universe. I do an over-the-shoulder-glance and find out real-quick-like that 5-6 girls who looked REAL pissed were uncomfortably close to me, basically guiding me into the bathroom without a way to retreat by blocking the only exit.

Awesome. What the hell is this?

So being that this was not my first experience in this type of particular situation, I started making a friggin plan. There were only 2 stalls and my objective was to follow Dumbass into the big stall and come up with a damned plan. Because I have news for you, we were ALL KINDSA SCREWED, if one or several of those insane broads started to feel froggy. Dumbass was an Asian chick the size and weight of a feather, so I really wasn’t going to be counting on her for much except for running interference if shit went horribly wrong. Which, my plan was to not have things go horribly wrong. Problem was, I felt like I was the only one in that bathroom that felt that way. Furthermore, I still had no idea why I was about to be jumped girl-gang style. So as I am walking behind Dumbass, I picked up the pace and was trying to follow her into the big stall, when I was met with the ass-end of the door as she closed it and locked it.

Superb, Dumbass. Superb.

I retreated quickly to the smaller stall before they smelled blood in the water and handled me before I even had a fighting chance. I mean come on, I can absolutely hold my own, if need be… but I couldn’t find a reason to need to be anything when I had no friggin clue what was going on in the first place. I got real caught up real quick when the friggin ringleader piped up about Dumbass being a man stealer and some such nonsense. I’m sitting in the stall, using the facility, because I was like – if this is gonna happen and I am about to eat the ass-end of a losing fight, I’m not trying to pee on myself as my final exit to stage left.

These girls are mouthing and mouthing. I’m saying stuff like – dude, this is not that serious… you’re problem isn’t with us… how about we all just calm the eff down – and all from INSIDE my tiny stall as I was buying time and coming up with something better. It would have been ideal to be in 1 stall coming up with a collective plan with the 2 of us, but nope… screw me, I was on my own.

By the time I was exiting my stall, Dumbass was at the SINK WASHING HER HANDS pretending like none of this was even happening and 90% because of her. For some reason, the pack had changed their focus to me and stepped aside to let Dumbass out. AND SHE LEFT. Now, riddle me this… WHO THE EFF EVEN DOES THAT?! Dumbass, that’s who. The circle of crazed broads tightened up and formed into a semi-circle around… well, yours truly. So there I was standing there pinned between 5-6 girls and a wall and not even a hope of making it to the bathroom door to get the hell out of there. I remember standing there thinking – dude, I’m 30… what the hell is happening here… I’m in a dress… I have psoriatic arthritis in my feet and I am seriously headed for the ass-end of an old school beat-down. 2-3 girls, maybe I could make a dent… but 5-6? Someone was going to lose and in my quick summation, it was inherently clear that that someone was going to be me.

So some words were definitely exchanged. I was really and truly trying to extinguish the fight because for 1, it wasn’t even my fight and 2, personally had Dumbass still been in the bathroom, I may have joined forces with the insanity and beat her ass myself for EVERYTHING she had ever done since her joyous birth. But that wasn’t where we were and they weren’t listening to anything that sounded remotely logical or rational.

And then it happened. That inevitable pause in the combative verbal foreplay… you know the one… like the eye of a hurricane… where everything calms and quiets to an uncomfortable stillness, and since the beginning of time, has always been followed by the unleashing of real bad shit with no rhyme or reason as to how or when the iron fist was coming down. I knew it. They knew it. They knew I knew it. I had never before been in a situation like this that I hadn’t personally set the stage for, for myself. And it had been the better part of 5-years or so since I thought I was Shera and should just fight the world with little to no righteous justification. The only thing I was counting on was the amount of rage that was brewing within me, that when this little dance was done, I would have retained enough energy to beat Dumbass’ ass DIRECTLY afterwards.

The literal second before things went horribly and irrevocably wrong the door to the bathroom swung open and one of the bartenders stepped in. I took my window of opportunity to side-step the EFF on out of there. I, with hurried pace, bee-lined to our table. And wouldn’t you know it… Dumbass lifted her face from making out with her man to say to me – where have you been? WHERE HAVE I BEEN? Where the eff were you? Who the eff stirs up a hornets nest of bullshit and leave someone who has nothing to do with any of it standing there to get her ass handed to her by 5-6 really drunk and pissed off she-men?

My guy was getting riled up at that point too, a little pissed off that I had been left outnumbered and literally intentionally, that he was asking me to calm down so he would calm down. Fair enough, I 100% tried to calm down. But Dumbass was saying shit like – oh, I had no idea… and if I had known, I would have told you… and nothing would have happened, I knew nothing would happen. YOU KNEW NOTHNG WOULD HAPPEN? Typically you would need to be present to KNOW that nothing was going to happen. Then her guy started in trying to further calm the situation saying – I really don’t think she knew. Which naturally, fired me the eff off again. I mean, by that point, I was livid pissed. Period.

The night was effectively over at that point and we all left not too long after that. I was still bitching about what the heck had happened as the same 5-6 girls walked out of the bar and continued to mouth off to ME. I turned around and was like – tell you what, I wasn’t ready then, but I am now and just set my purse down and started walking towards them. Screw it. I’d had enough. My guy was all – uh, there is no need to do any of that because they’re like 6 fat chicks getting into a tiny ass Kia… you have nothing to prove here. I said – touché and walked back. LOL. Probably why I actually like this guy. Ha!

Dumbass who was standing behind her dude and after I had calmed down slightly and was retreating towards my car, she says to me – Oh, you didn’t need to worry about them… I had us covered! SHE LIFTED HER SHIRT TO EXPOSE A FRIGGIN KNIFE!!! I shit you not. I can’t make this junk up. IT HAPPENED. I, without even saying a word, stared at her and stared LONG. The kind of stare I shared with the crazed girl-gang in the bathroom… you know the one…. the eye of a hurricane… where everything calms and quiets to an uncomfortable stillness. It was at that moment that her dude and my dude grabbed each of us and walked in different directions. Probably a good call in the end. But lord help me if I ever see Dumbass again. She really needs to get put in her place and have that knife snatched away from her. Then and only then, she might have a TINY glimpse as to what she left me to deal with that night.

Rant over.

seriously... what lunar phase are we in? full moon every night this week?!

I swear. I should just start devoting my blog to email transactions that I have to deal with daily. I mean, let’s get candid here, I sent about 200+ emails out to candidates that might match a new job opening that we are working on. This guy is the ONLY one who wrote back asking for clarification on the only thing on the job description that was pretty darned obvious. Just another day…

On Jun 29, 2012, at 1:42 PM, "Greg" wrote:
What do you mean by "Background Check"??
-Greg

From: Angela
Sent: Friday, June 29, 2012 1:59 PM
To: Greg
Subject: Re: Multiple Business Systems Analyst Positions - Interested?

What would you think that would mean?
-Angela
Sent from my iPhone. Please excuse any errors!

From: Greg [XXX]
Sent: Friday, June 29, 2012 2:42 PM
To: Angela
Subject: Re: Multiple Business Systems Analyst Positions - Interested?

Having been in IT for nearly 20 years, it could mean a lot of different things... for example, security clearance background check. I guess being an IT recruiter you wouldn't realize that...
-Greg

From: Angela
Sent: Friday, June 29, 2012 3:06 PM
To: Greg
Subject: RE: Multiple Business Systems Analyst Positions - Interested?

A security clearance would be called – Security Clearance. A background check is just that, a background check. I guess after 20 years in this industry you still don't know the difference between the words Security and Background.
-Angela

facebook response to "losing your mind" blog... pure entertainment!

So, when I post a blog on here, I usually update my Facebook status to tell people that I have risen from the dead and blogged. And because it takes an act of God for me to have 1 spare moment to sit down and write a blog, I figure I should make people aware (to some degree) when I do post one!

Now, the pics below are in response to the FB status update I put up yesterday in regards to the blog named – someone lost their damned mind… and for once it wasn’t me! Basically, the hilarity continued! And I actually had a chance to give a few more bits of detail that I didn’t have time to add into the original post. If you can’t tell, I’m streamlining not actually having to write a blog! Haha! Lord… anyhow, ENJOY!

someone lost their damned mind... and for once, it wasn't me!

SUPER QUICK BACK STORY…
I talked to this guy on Fri 6/22 about XXX Client (our client) and their open position. At great length, mind you. I presented his resume on Friday to our client and on Monday 6/25, the client requested an interview (which PS 24-business hours after making a presentation to a client to getting feedback on an interview is rarer than you’d think!!). I call him on Mon 6/25 and he can’t remember who I am, where I am calling from, who our client is and what the job description is. Ok, you know what, I let that slide. It was a red flag, but I was willing to let it slide since the market is picking up and things are hard to keep track of. But this guy proceeded to actually lose his shit, entirely. It’s been a bit since I have had to deal with someone like this, but make no mistake, I haven’t forgotten how to deal with someone like this.

Enjoy taking a look through the window of what the day in the life of an IT Recruiter looks like! Sigh…

On Jun 19, 2012, at 8:17 PM, "Christopher" wrote:
Hi, Angela.
I was reading the interview requirements again, and they clearly are looking for more of a web designer, than a programmer, and I am not going to be the right fit. Yes, they are looking for ASP, and VB.NET, but 98% of their interview criteria involves the web design front end of ASP, and I am a backend / database programmer.

I am therefore cancelling my interview appointment, as I really don’t have any interest in being a web designer, which is what this job entails, but I thank you for your time. Please extend my apologies to the people at CLIENT.

Best Regards,
Chris

--- On Tue, 6/19/12, Angela wrote:
From: Angela
Subject: Re: (.NET): Face-to-Face Interview Thurs 6/21 @ 11:00am – PLEASE Reply!
To: "Christopher"
Date: Tuesday, June 19, 2012, 9:09 PM

Chris – Trust me, you're a good fit for their opening. The job description is really puffed up to entice the unicorn that they'd ideally want for this position, but it’s not an absolute must on all of their requirements. Tell you what, go to the interview and learn about the position and then make a decision if you think you'd be a good fit or not!

And it is a backed / middle-tier developer that can make the front-end functional. This is not the type of role you think it is. I’m telling you that I believe it would be a mistake to not attend the interview for the reasons you are trying to cancel it, as you seem a bit misinformed.

-Angela
Sent from my iPhone. Please excuse any errors!

On Jun 20, 2012, at 1:17 AM, "Christopher" wrote:
No. What I am seeing is someone at their end, who is a web designer, and wants someone who will describe front end coding, they way they learned it.

This is a person who doesn’t understand programming, and I will meet with them only under ONE condition. That condition being that front end design theory will not be discussed from the aspect of design engines...I do not discuss that, because that is what web based children who design video games, discuss, and I am not interested in that theory.

I also am not interested in the concept of centralized web based design, because it is slow, and cumbersome. If they want speed, then they will not interview me about MVC, or how SOAP or XML works. These are concepts of how information is delivered, and these are already on the web. If they don’t know this, then this is FREE! You TELL them this.

You send them this as my answer, and if they want to talk to me after this, then *I* will make time to speak to them.

Databases, I will discuss. I will discuss how to address them and retrieve information from them. I will show them how to utilize them in databases. I will NOT, however, answer questions about LINQ, or ADO, unless more money is discussed first, and we are talking over $100,000/ year before I even discuss this.

If I am to be interviewed, it certainly will be not over some "webmaster" who wants to lord over me. Tell them that if this is the case, they can look elsewhere, or pay up. The price is now $110,000, or $75/hr. This is to put up with what must be dealt with, by freaking "Web designers"...You TELL them I SAID that, too!

Regards,
Chris

--- On Wed, 6/20/12, Angela wrote:
From: Angela
Subject: Re: (.NET): Face-to-Face Interview Thurs 6/21 @ 11:00am - PLEASE Reply!
To: "Christopher"
Date: Wednesday, June 20, 2012, 7:02 AM

Chris – I made them aware of your feelings and they still want to see you tomorrow. Please confirm that you will be attending.

Angela

(ASIDE: Now, let’s get honest up in here… like I REALLY sent that email to my client?! Are you kidding me?! This guy was a real piece of work and for that immediate moment, I was going to allow him the benefit of the doubt that he’d lost his damned mind for a quick moment and would get his shit together if lovingly pushed!!)

--- On Wed, 6/20/12, Christopher wrote:
From: Christopher [mailto:XXX]
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 1:58 PM
To: Angela
Subject: Re: (.NET): Face-to-Face Interview Thurs 6/21 @ 11:00am - PLEASE Reply!

Angela,
My appointment was for Thursday, and I am not planning to attend. I mentioned in my earlier message that I wanted a higher rate; the fact that they still want to meet with me after hearing that, indicates that something is seriously wrong with this opportunity.

Gasoline is expensive, and I don’t want to spend my money and waste my time (and theirs too), just to go down there, and have some web developer brow beat me about web front end design is actually programming, in his opinion. Besides, are you telling me that these guys are willing to meet my expected rate?

Chris

--- On Wed, 6/20/12, Angela wrote:
From: Angela
Subject: RE: (.NET): Face-to-Face Interview Thurs 6/21 @ 11:00am - PLEASE Reply!
To: "Christopher"
Date: Wednesday, June 20, 2012, 2:13 PM

Chris –
No. You decided to determine that the position is something it’s not. And in your rant to me about what I can tell XXX Client to do and this that and the other of demands you made in your emails from last night, you stated that if the role WAS the way you incorrectly determined it to be, then your price would go up. I have told you, and told you, and told you that what you think the position is and what the position actually is – are NOT CORRECT. This isn’t my first rodeo with XXX Client and we placed another VB.NET developer with them in the same group this month who, just for your piece of mind, is NOT DOING FRONT END DEVELOPMENT.

But if you think you know my client better than I do and you are going to try and dictate to me or XXX Client in regards to what we’re going to do for you, you have another thing coming. Since the position ISN’T a front end developer position, there’s no reason to list your demands to them. PS – if I had sent the email to XXX Client as you demanded I do, it would have been to your detriment. I, plain and simple, re-verified that the role wasn’t a front end developer and they confirmed it. You’d have to be a few screws loose if you thought I would just forward that email you sent to me to XXX Client.

Either way, you sound like you will be one issue after another and I have to assume if you feel comfortable enough to try and tell me what I am going to do and then send your list of ridiculous demands to XXX Client, then you’re a ticking time bomb of which I don’t want my name attached to OR my company’s name attached to you for that matter. You can continue to remain unemployed like you have since April 2012, until you wake up and realize you don’t run the universe.

AND just as a final kicker, I will forward your email to XXX Client now. I can promise you that when I do that and XXX Client makes others in the industry aware of your behavior and attitude, you might find that that little letter you sent might come back to bite you in the rear for years to come. This is a small market place and people know people. I can assure you that you aren’t as important as you think you are. Turns out, you probably need to learn that the hard way by continuing to be unemployed and wondering why some company isn’t snatching up your amazingness.

End result – I am canceling the interview and I am marking you as DO NOT RECRUIT within our system and any other agencies systems that I have contacts within.

Angela

--- On Thurs, 6/21/12, Christopher wrote:
From: Christopher [mailto:XXX]
Sent: Thursday, June 21, 2012 9:15 AM
To: Angela
Subject: RE: (.NET): Face-to-Face Interview Thurs 6/21 @ 11:00am - PLEASE Reply!

Angela,
Really? My first question is why do you keep trying to convince me to attend an interview for a position that I'm clearly not interested in? Is this some sort of challenge for you that must be met? I'm not, however, going to disengage, but rather clarify what I know from my experience, so that you understand things moving forward.

This is, in fact, a web design position. Here's why: Looking through your hit list of interview questions, all but ONE involves tools for front-end web design. ALL BUT ONE. This is not a figment of my imagination, but something that comes from 27 years of experience in the field. I will not interview for this premise alone, unless my gasoline and time are compensated for, in advance.

Second, XXX Client is a marketing company, not a solutions provider. I have worked with marketing companies before, and they work with web sites. This is what they do, Angela, they work with web sites and web design, because that is marketing. I did some research, and have spoken to people who have worked for them, and they are a group of web centric graphic designers. This is what they ARE; again, NOT a figment of my imagination. Yes, they might have some programming involved, but that is not their primary focus, and they are looking for someone who is 99% driven by things like "look" and "feel", and after speaking to several former employees, I know this to be a fact; they are looking for graphic designers who happen to program. This is not me.

What’s wrong with this company, anyway? Why the hard sell? ....I already know the answer, and it is that they are a difficult group of personalities, with unrealistic expectations, and more ego than talent. That's what I have heard about them. Currently, they are looking for someone who can take over a legacy project, that is a pain in the ass to some account executive. See Angela, I have done my research too. They have some job that the customer insists on being done a certain way, and they are looking for a whipping boy to fade their heat. When the job is complete, the boy gets fired. Sorry, no sale. Not without a LARGE amount of money, and I even insist on being paid just to talk to them.

Let them know that I will still talk to them, but they will pay me for the appointment. I want $100 dollars just to show up, and I will insist that there be a scope of questions to be asked, in writing, that they and you will sign in advance. I also expect to be paid in advance. If any of the questions deviate from scope, I walk. It will also be in writing that my rate is not negotiable, and that after the interview, if they choose to hire me, that they will pay my salary as a contract, with specific terms, that will guarantee both my work, and their commitment.

I want you to know that didn't bother to read your message. I find it tiresome that you would rather argue, than simply recognize that an opportunity is not a good fit. I would like to remain engaged with your organization, yet, I know a hard sell when I hear one, and after 27 years in my business, I also know when someone is trying to screw me.

Chris

--- On Thurs, 6/21/12, Angela wrote:
From: Angela
Sent: Thursday, June 21, 2012 9:53 AM
To: Christopher
Subject: RE: (.NET): Face-to-Face Interview Thurs 6/21 @ 11:00am - PLEASE Reply!

Chris –
Have you lost your mind? (and I wanted to say your DAMNED mind, but refrained) “Let them know that I will still talk to them, but they will pay me for the appointment. I want 100 dollars just to show up, and I will insist that there be a scope of questions to be asked, in writing, that they and you will sign in advance. I also expect to be paid in advance.”

HAHAHA! Um, no. I sent your little email to them yesterday, as I said I would per YOUR DEMAND. And they on their own, marked you in their systems as – DO NOT RECRUIT. And I didn’t even add my 2 cents in. I didn’t need to. You did a bang up job of getting yourself eliminated from consideration at XXX Client, probably for forever. Pretty much what I said would happen if I did forward your email to them. You seriously need to wake up man, because I am starting to think that you might actually be delusional.

Chris – My advice to you, and take this for what it’s worth, is to stop talking. I didn’t try very hard to convince you to do anything. I merely pointed out that you were wrong and my recommendation was to attend the interview and make an assessment of what the position is and your interest level AFTER you speak with XXX Client.

When you wrote me back an email of demands that were so ludicrous I almost thought it was a joke, I realized then that I wasn’t dealing with a logical rational individual. You apparently have everything all figured out and you know everything about everything and everyone. That’s fine with me. I don’t work with individuals that clearly don’t have a vested interested in their job search.

The simple truth of the matter is this – If you don’t want to attend the interview for a list of reasons that aren’t even accurate, fine by me. There are is list of people, a majority of which are far more qualified than you are for any .NET positions we have open, that WANT to be an active participant in their job search. I don’t need to work with you. Not only do I not need to, but I won’t.

And it’s funny, because I did reach out to my contacts in the market and let them know to be on the lookout for you. And of the 3 different people from 3 separate companies that I talked to yesterday, every single one of them had you as DO NOT RECRUIT in their systems as well – BEFORE, I made them aware of what I knew about you. This is a classic example of – it’s not everybody else… it’s you. You should try getting caught up and maybe change your behavior in an attempt to change this negative perception. I personally don’t care if you wake up and have an insightful realization about yourself. You’re 1 in a sea of many. In the future, it will help you to remember that little fact.

In conclusion, please don’t continue to email me. And if you choose to reply again, don’t be surprised if I don’t reply back. It sounds like you are handling your reputation very well in the market right now all by yourself. I’d recommend that you stop trying to have a conversation with me, defending your opinion, and start worrying about what you are going to do for a job. I have a job, so I don’t have to think about that or you, any further.

Best of luck out there… it sounds like it’s going to be a real tough road ahead for you. But it’s in the truly trying times that you might learn something, grow and be better. Key word: MIGHT.

Angela

$300 for sexting... anyone, anyone?!

I literally just had to stop working just to write this blog. I just received an email Webinar invite for the following topic: Sexual Advances to Sexting: Virtual Communications & Sexual Discrimination / Harassment Rules. And I mean c’mon now, I couldn’t stop my finger from double clicking the mouse. Plus, I thought that they might have some screenshot examples of sexting. I wasn’t going to miss out on that opportunity. Let me just cut to the end of that story… there weren’t any.

Anywho… this Webinar had no tones of foreplay; just right to the meat of it. What is sexting and how to recognize it in your workplace? Hmm… well, let’s see now?! *scratches head* Now, correct me if I’m wrong but, I would think that the word – sexting – is pretty damned self-explanatory. Ok, I guess I could see the 70-year old Walmart greater not knowing what sexting is, but seriously I would think that if they were getting those kinds of texts it might just put a pick-me-up in their giddy-up or maybe give them a heart attack. I mean either way, both results would still be entertaining.

So back to the word – sexting – being pretty self explanatory. Besides that fact, if you got an unsolicited picture of your co-workers wanker, would you really run to the notes that you took from the Sexting Webinar and then proceed with pressing harassment charges? I don’t know if it’s just me, but this is cracking me up. HAHAHA a Webinar on Sexting! Just ridiculous.

I started to think that maybe I would dial in to the Webinar… you know, she what all the buzz is about. But wait, what’s this? It costs money? Well it can’t be more than $10 or something. Wait, no… it costs $300. THREE. HUNDRED. DOLLARS. WTF?! I’ve moved my opinion that this is ridiculous to this is downright ludicrous.

I’m reading along then I run across the name of the person hosting the Webinar – Melissa Fleischer, attorney at law (management-side employment attorney). Hmmm… something is missing here, but what? Good old LinkedIn answered my call! Little Mellie is also the President and Owner of HR Learning Center LLC – a full-service human resource consulting firm specializing in fun, interactive and engaging sexual harassment training seminars (Well played and nice sell, Mellie. My interest is officially piqued when you throw in words like interactive and engaging in front of the term sexual harassment), workplace violence training seminars and other employment law training seminars for management.

http://www.nonprofit-direct.com/hr-learning-center-llc
http://hrlearningcenter.wordpress.com/

Ok, so now I’m going to assume that you are as curious as I was to know what this broad looked like. So here you go… http://www.linkedin.com/pub/melissa-fleischer-esq/6/102/30b.

Interesting, eh? I just completely derailed my day on the fact that someone would pay $300 of this chick to talk about sexting and its legal ramifications. Cracked my shit up. Thank you Thursday, I needed that!

high-five for chick car maintenance…

Today, I walked out to my car to leave work and realized very quickly that I had left my overhead light on all day. I’ve left it on before with no real damage, but today was just my lucky day. My battery was dead. Awesome. It was a little after 5:00pm and damn near everyone was gone. Super awesome.

I called one of my bosses and he was headed back to the office but was stuck in traffic and wouldn’t be back for at least 30-minutes due to rush hour traffic. Positive note, he did say he had jumper cables. But good lord, 30-minutes was going to be the best case scenario. So I called my brother to see if he had made it too far away to circle back to jump my car. No luck. He had made it all the way home to Plano by the time I got him on the phone; which was pointless because by the time he made it back to the office, my boss would have likely made it back to me by then and my car would have been started. Great. I’m stuck. He suggested that I call one of the guys that works in our office and was likely still at work to see if he had some jumper cables and could help me out. He was, in fact, still at the office but he didn’t have any jumper cables. I was pretty sure I had some cables. Yeah, it ended up that I did not. Is it all that surprising that surprising that it was yet another dead end?

By this point, I had gotten out of my car and was standing next to it. I had called my brother back to tell him that the guy at the office didn’t have any cables and to see if he had the number of some guys we knew from another company in our building. He didn’t, of course. But it was right at about that moment that a gal that works in my office pulled up with her window down looking like she wanted to say something to me. So I call out to her before she can say anything to her and I ask if she has jumper cables. SCORE, she totally did!

I tell her that I left my overhead light on and my battery was dead. Then I ask if she minded giving me a jump and she totally came to my rescue! So she pulls up to the level that I am stuck on and gets in a good position to jump my car. She grabbed the jumper cables and walked over to me and say – ok, so you know how to do this right? And this is where things turned into completely 2 chicks about to engage in some car maintenance work that neither of us knew what the hell we were about to doing.

I pop open my hood. Now, I knew from the last time I had some “car maintenance” that the hood doesn’t just pop open. There’s a secondary latch that you have to reach under the hood and release. Yeah, I totally looked like I knew what I was doing during that part of this process from the 45-minutes it took me the last time I had to get that damned hood open. But that’s neither here nor there. Once I got the hood open, I immediately returned to the moronic category. So I have the little hood holder thing unattached and then I could not, for the life of me, determine where the hell it hooked into the hood. Sigh. It became obvious why that every time I take my car to the shop, I get the “little lady” tone.

Which quick aside… so I have a 2008 Honda Civic and everything on the dash is all digital – the gas read, the speed, the cool/heat of the car, etc. I was driving on the highway one day and looked down to notice that my speedometer was reading WAY off. It was saying I was going like 170. I was perplexed and confused. Then I slightly panicked because I always speed everywhere and I had no idea how fast I was really going. So after a day or 2 of the speedometer acting up, I was like – that’s it, I’m taking it to Honda and they are going to have to fix this ASAP. So, yeah… I pull in and tell the guy the story and he reaches in and says, well it looks like you have KPH selected as opposed to MPH, which should solve this problem right up. Sweet baby Moses! I actually said the phrase – well I feel dumb and I’m pretty sure I just confirmed that women shouldn’t have cars. To which this dude responds with – yeah, well at least we agree on that. WTF dude? I mean, I said it but it just seemed rude when he agreed without skipping a beat. I mean, who the hell knew that you could change the friggin speedometer to KPH? Ok, I’m sure everyone but me knew this. Whatever. I’m stupid. Fine.

Another quick aside… My AC was acting up and it wasn’t getting cool for some strange reason. I drove it around for a couple of days but the summer heat was completely winning that little showdown. So, after a couple of days, I drive my car to Honda. Yet again, I tell the service attendant guy my AC issue and then he reached across me and hit the AC button. Like magic, the AC got super cold. Well awesome. I’m an idiot; a chick who apparently shouldn’t own a car. I got the “little lady” tone from that dude too, but I didn’t say too much in my defense. Pretty sure I lost my ability to argue that chicks are car retarded in that moment.

Ok, so back to jumping my car. So after it took me 5-minutes to locate the spot where the little arm thing that holds up the hood went in, we’re standing there looking at the cables splayed out on the parking garage floor. She says to me – I’m assuming you know how to do this, right? Uh… no-ish, but how hard could it be, right? So I said – well the cables are black and red and the battery has a red spot and a black spot… so I’m guessing that isn’t a coincidence? Now, I was not saying that in a patronizing tone, I was almost looking for some affirmation as to if she agreed with my assessment. She did. Awesome. We’re moving right along.

So out of nowhere, she says – I’m pretty sure that I heard somewhere that you have to put the cables on in a certain order, right? Me – Uh, well I don’t know, but that sounds like it could be true. Her – I think it’s black then red. Me – Are you sure? What if it’s red then black? What happens if you do it in the wrong order? I mean, the car doesn’t blow up or something, does it? Her – Uh, well I don’t think so, but I really don’t know. I’m thinking I heard it’s black then red. Me – Do you even think that putting them on in the wrong order would make the car blow up? Or maybe catch on fire? Her – I have no idea. There was 30-seconds of silence coupled with both of us, hands-on-hips, staring at the cables like they were going to magically talk to us and tell us what the hell we were supposed to be doing. Me – Uh, so you think I should maybe Google it and see what it says? Her – Yeah actually, that would be an excellent idea.

So I’m trying to Google what the hell we were supposed to be doing and before the page could come up for Yahoo! Answers to load and she says – You think I should turn my car off before we start to hook this all up. Me – Uh, yeah… that sounds like it could be a good idea. I mean, I think that you start the jumping process with both cars off, right? Her – Uh, yeah… sounds good to me. Which, if the car is off, then maybe it doesn’t matter which one we put on first; red or black. Me – Dude, that sounds exactly like what we should be doing. Brilliant idea. So I close out the internet on my phone and walk around to start hooking up the cables to my cars battery. She was working on getting her side of the cables hooked up to her battery.

Me – So, I guess you’re supposed to fire up your engine and then I will give mine a shot, right? Her – Sounds like the right idea. She pops the key into the ignition and fires her car up. I waited about 20-seconds and I turn my key, wincing a little because the whole question of hooking the cables up in the right order and car explosions / fires had me a little nervous. I mean, we were making some car maintenance calls without any real foundational knowledge. Instead my car fired right up. The hum was music to my ears! So I’m sitting there staring at her thinking – Uh, ok… so what’s next? She says – Let’s let it sit for a couple of minutes to make sure yours is juiced up enough. Me – Yeah, that sounds like a great idea and is probably exactly what we should be doing.

A few minutes pass and she says – I think you should probably be good now. I agreed. But that whole thing about the order in which the cables were supposed to potentially go on popped back into my head and I said – So, now that both cars are running, do you think that there really is a particular order in which the cables need to be removed? Her – Yeah, good point. I don’t know. Me – we’ll let me pull them off my car first and see what happens. And since you thought it was black then red, I’m just gonna take a stab that if there is an order, it would likely be the same, right… black then red. Her – Sounds good to me. The blind leading the blind.

So we’re both hovering over the front of my car looking at the battery. I’m hesitant because it’s my car and thoughts of flames and explosions came running back through my head. She’s standing over it observing how badly I might potentially screw up my car so she can do the opposite when removing the cables from her car. So I say – Well here goes nothing. I pull the black clamp off and nothing happened. I grabbed the red clamp and removed it. Nothing happened. So I looked at her and said – We have success! She says – Yes we do! We both smiled like we’d accomplished something really amazing. After a good few seconds of us both standing there amazed by the fact that we, 2 chicks that knew zero about what we were doing, got a car started, she said – Well, I’m going to get unhooked and head out. Me – Dude, thanks a million for helping me out! Her – Yeah, I drove by and you caught my eye standing next to your car. It looked like you might’ve needed some help. Me – I’m totally glad you did stop because I was going to have to wait 30-minutes or more for Greg to get back and help me. Her – No worries! You’re welcome. Me – So, my car will turn on tomorrow you think, right? Her – Uh, I think once you drive it a bit, the battery will become recharged. Me – Sweet! Sounds good to me!

So I say – High-five for chick car maintenance. And that was that.

I realize that this wasn’t an event in any capacity that should leave a person with a feeling of accomplishment, but damnit… I felt accomplished. I mean, in my head I compared it to the first person discovering fire and how accomplished and amazed they felt. Dramatic, yes. But c’mon… am I ever anything but?

PS – I am available any time if anyone has some car maintenance questions.

good old tommy tomster... always good for a giggle...

I found myself in a weird chance of events earlier this week. Which I realize is clearly hard for anyone to conceptualize that I found myself in a weird situation – but it’s true. I’m going to assume that pretty much everyone has had a boss (past or present) that they would classify as an epic fail. Personally, a few come to the top of my mind, but one in particular really stands out as the clear winner.

Some back story…
A few years ago, I worked for a company that was a small home-grown business. I was brought on to an already existing dysfunctional little family that was devoid of a person sitting in the management role. A manager from another division, which was not even in the same type of industry that our line of business was in, was managing our team in the interim of finding a permanent manager. I’d just like to point out that hiring a team backwards (i.e. build the team then find its manager), is really just a set up for a disastrous situation. Enter the next 2-years of my life.

Not too long after I had joined this particular company and they had finally hired on our divisions manager, the company was sold to another company that had a larger presence and was national. This was positive news to me, in that since our team was the only unique team in the whole company, if we could show great success with our line of business we could have easily expanded into opening up divisions nationally. The people who would ultimately carry that responsibility would have almost certainly come from the team that forged the road of success. I saw a great deal of endless possibilities and huge career opportunities. That being said, I had a very vested interest in making the team successful, cohesive and productive. This objective was ultimately perceived as me wanting my boss’s position. And to just drive that point home, I was personally told by my manger that the reason we didn’t get along and/or work together effectively was because he believed I was trying to replace him with myself.

Laughable.

Now, I am not particularly sure that any of you have had this kind of situation arise, but my personal experience was that if someone who is in a role of power / management is that insecure about their own capabilities that they believe that their subordinate could outshine them and more specifically actively and in a predatory manner threaten to take (or eliminate) their position, that subordinate’s life is destined to be a miserable existence. Check. Miserable, it was. But what was truly perplexing about this particular manager, he had really honed his manipulative skills and mastered them to a science. To meet him, even now, you would think he is a really smart, sharp, successful and talented person. Conversely, should you have to work under him, you find very quickly that he is cunning, manipulative, threatened, paranoid (to really obsessed about being paranoid), and malicious. He hides the 2-sides almost effortlessly. A talent that looking back on it, is about the only impressive thing about him.

For instance… He and I were trying to close a deal together. I’m not one to play good-cop / bad-cop, but this particular manager thought it was ideal. An ideal that I open rejected participating in; if he wanted to lie and manhandle his targets, that’s your deal and not mine. Anyhow, he was trying to pull some shady dealings with this particular deal and I made the comment that it’s rare that we have a client that really wants a candidate and a candidate that really wants a client and we can’t make it work because of the politics of it all. Now, I’m not particularly sure what it was that my boss heard from that statement, but he went from zero to belligerent in like 4.2 seconds.

He jumped up and headed to the front of our office, where the conference rooms were located, and proceeded to tell me that I needed to join him for a 1-on-1 meeting immediately. And maybe I am not conveying this effectively enough, but he was in the rafters – all up IN the damned rafters. Well, I said to hell with that, I’m not going in there and watching Mount Vesuvius explode. Pass. When I didn’t follow him into the conference room, he then decided to call my desk phone from the conference room phone. I hit ignore. He called it again. Ignore. Then I switched my phone to DND (do not disturb) where the next time he tried to call my desk, it would actually just go straight to voicemail. The next thing I hear is our team’s admin on the phone and I just knew it was him calling her since I was clearly ignoring him. She got up and came over and said – he wants you to get (we’ll call him) Bob (my boss’s boss) and join him in the conference room immediately.

Well, awesome.

So I get Bob and say that (we’ll call my boss) Tom wants to talk with you and me in the conference room and that I wasn’t sure what it was about. Now here’s where the impressive part of Tom would always, 100% of the time, make its debut appearance. He was leaned back in his chair looking cool, calm and collected. Not even so much of a hint of his disdain for whatever egregious error he had perceived that I had done was visible. I’ll give him credit for that much. Snake.

He starts out the conversation like this – so, Bob I called you in here because I wanted to get your opinion on something that just happened.

And I won’t lie. That was the last thing I that remember hearing him say. You know how in the movies things go quiet all around a person or the main character stays in complete focus but the background fades away and blurs out? Yeah, I was living that moment in a complete moment of livid rage. Now, I knew that Tom wanted me to react in just the way I was feeling in that moment. I am fairly certain my face was red, but I didn’t care. While Tom droned on about how I had done this and how I had done that, the ONLY thing I focused on while my ears were horrifically ringing was – keep your face straight, don’t talk, stay calm, don’t make any expressions, stay calm, don’t talk, don’t react, keep it together… And after what felt like a damned eternity and after I realized that Tom had completed his attempt at making me appear in a horrible light and they were both looking at me for my response is when I responded. Keep in mind I had no idea what Tom had actually said about me, but it was always the same 1-note show with him so it didn’t matter that I was mentally absent from listening to his drivel.

I collected myself enough to say – Well Bob, I’m not entirely sure what Tom is talking about here, to be honest. My only issue was that this situation tugged at my heartstrings a little. By that I mean, we have all the right players that are ready to take the next step, but because of the politics of it all, it’s just not going to happen no matter what we try and pull out to make it work. That was the only thing I had said about this situation, so I’m unclear as to what I am supposed to be saying here.

Bob looked from me to Tom and said – Well, if that’s the case, then I’m not sure why I am in here either Tom? Tom looked like he’d been hit by an unforeseen semi and I gave him a little smirk of a smile. I hope he got the whole – right back at you, you sorry excuse for a human being, because two can play at this little game. The meeting ended and for the next 2-weeks, I was in meeting after meeting with Tom about my attitude and negativity coupled with the all out barrage of petty outlandish lashing out that I endured in between these little scheduled meetings.

Tom is also the same guy who was trying to document how he was reprimanding me so he could make a case for my termination. Which, please. I must say that if he thought I didn’t know that little fact, then he was a complete idiot. I had decided that he’d have to fire me before I’d quite. The way that I envisioned that day playing out would be Tom pushing me out the front doors in my wheelie chair, because if you thought you could make me quit, well you got another thing coming! That being said, he was trying to email himself the rundown of one of our (what had become) daily attitude meetings, for documentation purposes. In that email, he had listed out the course of action that he planned to take if I did not meet this ridiculous list of crap that he had set out that was completely designed to fire me (i.e. unrealistic and subject measures of reprimanding me until it ultimately lead to my termination).

You might be asking me how I know about this email if he was emailing it to himself. Well, I’ll tell you. This moron tried to email it to himself from his work email and in the email line the beginning of his personal email and the tag that would send an email to the entire company were the same (by sheer coincidence). That being said, he ultimately emailed that little expose to the entire company instead of to his personal email. Sure, it pissed me off, but really that shit cracked me up at the end of the day. Mostly because it showed everyone what a massive douche he was. Hilarity, really. Wasn’t as hilarious when it was happening, but nonetheless, it is humorous now.

Anyhow, I lived in this abusive relationship for almost 2-years. These are just 2 examples of the friggin alphabetized mental file cabinet that I could easily pull from. I mean, this is the same guy who looked me dead in my face and told me that he would step in front of a bullet to protect his team and me personally. My response was – don’t you mean, step out of the way? Yeah, that little outburst made it to his documentation list. I only know because I saw that he had written it down on his to-do list to make sure my insubordinate behavior was documented properly. Yeah, eat me.

Anyhow, I say all of that to say this next part. It’s been almost 3-years since I last saw / worked for Tom. And then Tuesday of this week happened. I was at a meeting that was being hosted by 1 company and they had invited several other companies to attend. I was there talking to a guy I knew and worked with previously, when in walked Tom. I tried to side-step to be shielded by the wall, but no such luck. He spotted me. This guy was full-on open-mouthed toothy SUPER excited smiling coupled with frantically waving his hand ‘hi’ at me. I mean, you would have thought that I was his dad coming home from a 1-year tour in Iraq with how happy he looked to see me. Really, dude?

Well, damn.

I’m around like a boatload of professional people and am there representing my company, so instead of frantically waving my middle finger back at him, I did the what’s up nod and went back to the conversation I was having with my friend. As if that wasn’t enough to say we did our cordial ‘hello’ and move on, he came up to me while I was in line to get some lunch and did the whole placing 1-hand on my shoulder and saying – it’s really good to see you. The only thing I said back was – oh, looks like I am next in line – and walked out from under his hand and grabbed some food and moved on.

I mean, I think this guy has absolutely lost it. Delusional. What, in the name of all that is holy, would make this guy REMOTELY think I wanted to socialize with him in any capacity. I mean, for 2-years of your life, you actively and intentionally, tried to get me fired. That doesn’t make us chummy at events 3-years later. I mean, things like – take a handful of Zoloft dude and even your personality right out – were things that I refrained from saying. See, anyone who says I have not grown as a person can eat me. My little – don’t say everything you think – exercise in self-restraint I have been working on, really paid off. Well, I thought anyhow. Hey you can change the reaction, you can’t change how you think!

After all that happened, I just had to text one of the girls that I still talk to who worked for Tom and with me all those years ago. Tom had it out for her before he came after me. And she had it right, she just bailed out and moved on. Probably what I should have done, but no one was going to appreciate me telling her about Tom like she was. When I was texting her, it reminded me of a few other things Tom had done over the years that I feel awfully compelled to share.

After I had moved on to another job, and Tom’s division at my previous company had been eliminated (which FYI, this tends to happen when you cook the books; another story for another time), he reached out to me on LinkedIn. He left me a little gem of an email that ordinarily I would have ignored and not responded to, but damn… I just had to respond. At the company I was then working for, there was a Regional Manager position open. That Manager would be managing the team I was newly sitting on. Tom emails me and asks me if I will refer him into that role and then sent me his resume.

Ok, now – what?! Have you taken up smoking crack, or what?

So I replied with – So let me get this straight. You want me to refer you into a role that will ultimately have you managing me again?

Like on what planet do you do everything in your physical power to destroy a person and then ask for a favor? I mean, like I said… this guy is pretty damned impressive. Although I like to think that he’d run through all his “friends” and then found himself at the lowest point like… well I guess asking Angela wouldn’t be too bad, right? Enough time has passed, wouldn’t you think? But for him to have had even a remote hint of insight, that would require him to first admit that he’s a lunatic; a delusionally wrong lunatic. So, I’ll pretend that that’s what happened, but it’s highly likely that it did not.

Then after that little short but highly entertaining transaction, a couple years later I received another email from him on LinkedIn. I mean, because when you find a method that clearly works, you REALLY want to tap into it. Again, 100% delusional. This time, I was more willing to ignore and not reply to the email, but 2 seconds after I opened it and read it, the reply was written and sent before I even knew what happened.

He wrote me asking if he could list me as a professional reference.

Ok… LMAO! What?! Dude, really? This is bordering on intervention time. Something’s not right with you sweetie. Seriously. I generally don’t suggest meds as a solution, but damn if ever there is a case that I would advocate for someone taking a huge handful…

So I replied in numbered fashion, because I think that that method really drives the point right on home…

Tom,
1- I'm going to assume you sent this request to the wrong Angela.
2- Nonetheless, I would LOVE to serve as a professional reference for you. Please pass my contact info on to anyone who might need it.
3- I will only be as kind and generous as you were when you were providing all those glowing backdoor references on me, all those years ago.
-Angela

Now for those of you who don’t know what a backdoor reference is, it’s when you know someone who worked with the person you are doing a reference check on and you call them up to have a FAR more candid unofficial reference. Now Tom probably didn’t know that I knew he was doing that when I had moved on from working for him all those years ago, but I did. I knew perfectly well that even after he was no longer my manager, he STILL wanted to stick it to me. And what I also wanted to tell him was that his name in the market place was one that brought laughter and high eyebrow raises. In many interviews, the interviewers would often say (highly sarcastically) – You worked under Tom? Well how’d that work out for you? And I never once bad-mouthed him, though it took every fiber of my very being not to. I’d say generic things like – He was my boss and I took my directives from him, so I’m not sure what you’re asking for here? Or some interviewers who knew him would say – I worked with Tom before, but I am curious as to what your thoughts on his management style are? And I’d say things like – Well if you worked with or for him, then that makes you already aware of his management style. Then there’d be a long pause followed by some vague smile dancing across their faces, a silent understanding, and we’d move on.

Anyhow… seeing good old Tommy Tomster the other day, and his extreme happiness to see me, made me think of all the nut-so things he did and his delusional perception of thinking I'd do him any favors after we'd worked together. It’s really concerning too, because when he said where he worked now, he said his title was managing the Mid-America Region. Like who in their effin right mind would let you manage a region?! Only a matter of time really. His LinkedIn profile is spotty since his division was eliminated at the previous company that we both worked at. Not to mention, that it was found (by Gumshoe Angela) that the resume he used to get the job all those years ago where he was managing me, was also fabricated. What a sad, sad person he is. But he’s always good for a good giggle when I look by on it all! I'm sure here in a few months he'll reach out to me, via LinkedIn, and ask for another favor or some such nonsense. Maybe this time I won't reply... but then again, if I don't reply then the antics stop there. I'm not sure with how much growing as a person I have done, that I could refrain from reminding him how much of a dumbass he really is. It'd really be a disservice, an injustice really, to anyone who's ever come in contact with this dbag. It all remains to be seen... but for now, I am laughing; laughing hard at his expense.

i'm actively working on becoming the cat lady... what's a life without goals?

So, I had a thought today; difficult to believe, I know. I’m weird. *end useless self-diagnosing*

I recently had a conversation with my cat. It was a pretty serious conversation and at the end of it, I asked her if she fully understood what I was saying and the possible negative ramifications of her actions. And you know what, she meowed. So naturally, I believed we had come to an understanding – asked and answered. I came home from work the other day and I couldn’t find her. As soon as I opened the double doors in my hallway (where my washer / dryer are located), out bolted a very ornery cat. Now, that previous conversation I’d had with her was in regards to just this – going into that closet AS soon as the doors are opened up. I don’t know what it is about that closet, but it’s like friggin cat nip to her. I’ve always been worried I wouldn’t see her go in and shut the doors, ultimately locking her in for an entire day. Look, we talked about this, so I really don’t feel badly that she was trapped in there all day. I told her as much. I mean, I wouldn’t say anything here that I wouldn’t say to her face, so let’s not go getting all judgmental here. Anyhow, after she bolted out and couldn’t decide if she needed to eat or use the bathroom first, I felt compelled to give her the – I told you so – speech, except this time it’d hurt based on the events of that particular day.

ME – Did I not tell you that this could happen? Have we not discussed this before, at length?
HER – Meow.
ME – Don’t sass me. I’m not going to feel guilty that you constantly want to do what I implicitly ask that you don’t do.
HER – Meow.
ME – Dude, seriously. I’m not going to do this with you. You didn’t die in there today. I’m sure it totally sucked for you, but clearly my point was falling…
HER – Meow.
ME – DON’T YOU DARE INTERRUPT ME! As I was saying, clearly my point was falling on deaf ears. Maybe now, now you will rethink your little need to incessantly go in that closet?
HER – Meow.
ME – Ok fine! Apology accepted! How could I stay angry with a face like that?!
HER – Meow.
ME – Now why would you EVEN bring up that $20 pair of Reefs that you stood there and looked me in my eye while you DESTROYED them in the 2 seconds it took from me to fly off the couch and really considered beating you?
HER – Meow.
ME – Yeah, I’m done talking to you now.

We hugged it out. I feel like we really made progress that day, like we’d overcome this conversational barrier that we’ve been struggling with since the beginning of, oh I don’t know, her friggin life.

the not-so-blind leading the blind...

So, I went to the eye doctor recently after a 15+ year hiatus.  I mean, it’s not like I was avoiding the experience, I just didn’t see a real reason to go if I could see just fine.  Blah, blah – I know that I should go to get checked for eye disease, but really – who qualifies that?  No one.  I’m not saying it’s right.  I’m just saying it’s a fact.

 The doctor dilates my eyes so they can figure out how bad my eyes are and to figure out the prescription for glasses, should I need them (which I did).   Here’s what I had forgotten about getting your eyes dilated – you can’t see shit.  Well you can’t really see anything up-close anyhow and reading is 100% out of the question.  I mean, the front desk girl gave me a pair of readers which were supposed to help (and I use the term help, loosely) with being able to see things up-close. 

So blah, blah – I go back and the doctor looks at my eyes and determines I need reading glasses.  Fine.  I was pretty sure I needed glasses of some-sort. 

Now, here’s a fun factoid – your eyes stay dilated for like several hours.  This isn’t a fun or funny factoid, it’s more like a – I really feel like you should let someone pick out a pair of frames BEFORE you dilate the ole peepers, you know… in case they will need a pair.  Instead, they dilate you, tell you that you need glasses, THEN send you on the floor to pick out a pair of frames.

To reiterate – they first dilate your eyes THEN tell you to pick out a pair of frames when you can’t see shit 1-foot from your face.

Is anyone else seeing the gross error in frame selections, here? 

So there I am… blind for all intents and purposes.  I have a pair of readers on trying to squint and pick out glasses.  I can’t tell what the heck I was looking at to say the least.  Now it could be said that if I knew I would likely need glasses, why not start picking something out while I waited on my apt.  Well smart ass – I had done that… 3-days earlier when I was in the place making my appointment.  Trouble was that the morning of my appointment, they had a new shipment of glasses for the new season. 

Which, who the eff knew there were seasons for glasses frames?  Apparently, when you go to a glasses place in far Northwest Plano, this was something I should have known.

That being said, I had picked out a pair of frames that were perfect for me and my tiny baby-sized face.  I knew exactly where they were and what they looked like – even if I was blind.  EXCEPT, the 1 pair I wanted was no longer available and it wasn’t until I was dilated and trying to find that perfect pair of frames on the shelf it lived on 3 days prior, that I was told that the whole store had been moved around and updated with the new season of frames. 

Are you friggin kidding me? 

No, they weren’t – just to be clear.  So… there I am… with a pair of readers on searching for the perfect frames like an old person shopping for produce.  You know, glasses on (which they keep readjusting thinking that by adjusting them, they’ll magically see better), picking up every peach, turning it around, holding it up to the light (you know, for better viewing), and squeezing and tapping it while the entire time with their eyes squinted nose scrunched and mouth breathing because somehow with all that activity going on in trying to see 1 damned piece of fruit, breathing through the nose becomes a reflex task that is too much for the brain to sustain. 

Exchange the word “peach” for “frames”… and you’d have exactly what I imagined I looked like trying to pick out the damn frames. 

I had the readers on trying to see the frames.   Then I would pick a pair of frames and put them on, except then I had no help from the readers to be able to see them in the mirror that was less than a foot from my face.  The mirror would have had to be 1 city block away from me, if I wanted a somewhat clearer image of how I looked in the frames.  The task of picking out my frames became so much of a beating, that I literally trusted the extremely gay sales guy on his opinion of what looked good on me.  I mean, I figured he was gay… he likely knew what was fashionable. 

I pulled my whole – to hell with it!  Do these look the best?

He says – They compliment your face and they are a good color of brown that matches your hair and facial features.  Additionally, they match your eyebrow line perfectly.  It’s like these glasses were made for your face.

Now all I could see was what I was pretty sure was my face and a brown blob sitting atop my nose.  I thought – to hell with it.

ME – Well let’s wrap these puppies up and call this a day.

Personally… I was surprised by the fact that they did indeed look pretty damn good!  That just goes to show, that I am amazing… even with impaired vision (not that anyone was even remotely questioning that fact).

it's not like i've never been fired before...

I got fired recently.  I’ve been fired before.  Several times, actually.  All of them, well with the exception of the time before this last firing where I actually fired myself and this most recent firing, I might have deserved it.  I feel like the admission of me firing myself, 2 firings ago, might warrant some quick clarification… for comedic relief purposes before I go on an ape-shit livid pissed rant about my most recent firing.

So, there I was at my job, hating my life and every day I had to go to work.  The company I had been working for had decided to focus on the Accounting / Finance-side of recruiting and not the IT-side – which is the side I worked on, naturally.  They eventually eliminated the entire division, but in December of 2008, there I was in an upside economy begging for any job in sales.  Companies had taken their sales teams to a skeleton crew and the companies who were hiring were sparse.  In January 2009, I received an offer from a company I had said on more than one occasion – I would never work for that POS company, I don’t care what they paid me!  Welp… desperate times, I suppose.  Apparently, I had some stark raving mad idea that I needed to have a job, salary and heath care or I’d have to go into the old savings account.  Which anyone who knows me well enough, knows that once money goes into the savings account, it’s damn near apoplexy-status for me to take the money out… for any reason, justifiable or not.

To be clear about how much I hated my life at this company – let me give you the list of things that ran through my head every day that I had to go in to work for these people…

·         There were 3 people total on my team; 2 were my bosses.  Too many chiefs?

·         Eventually, they hired on another girl who had previously been fired from this particular company because of her attitude and all around personality… which let me tell you, I understood exactly why she got fire.  This newly hired previously fired broad THOUGHT she was my boss and my other 2 bosses really didn’t do anything to stop her from acting as such so the team breakdown changed.

·         4 people total on the team; 3 were my bosses.  A little top heavy, don’t you think?

·         I had to drive to Downtown Dallas, pay $6 in tolls 1 way, park 3-city blocks away from my building because it was the most reasonable garage parking for the “low” $60 a month, and have ass-in-chair by 8:00am sharp.  I live in FAR Northwest Plano… AKA Oklahoma.  If I wasn’t on the road by 6:50am and God-willing there was no traffic, I might make my ass meet the chair at 8:00am.  A feat I slowly stopped giving a shit if I actually accomplished successfully.

·         I was required to wear a suit every day.  No, no.  You heard me.  A SUIT.  Dude, I barely owned a suit any more… REALLY.  So that was a rule I quickly just didn’t follow.  Screw that.

·         The women weren’t allowed to wear open-toed shoes.  Uh, I didn’t own 1 pair of close-toed shoes… or if I did, I literally owned 1-pair and wearing them every day for that 3-city block walk on cobblestone sidewalks seemed pretty damn unreasonable.  So I began wearing flops and “saying” I had a change of shoes in my bag – but had anyone asked, I wouldn’t have been able to produce them. 

·         If you wore a skirt, you were required to wear hose.  WTF?  No seriously, screw hose.  I want to punch the person who invented hose.  Horrific.  No, not happening.

·         Hours of “preferred” operations, AKA mandatory work hours, 8:00am to 6:30pm.  Uh. Yeeeah, no.  Another rule I slowly stopped giving a shit about. 

Now after all my above admitted disregard for the company and their rules, you’da thought they woulda fired me.  Which, I was pretty sure they were well on their way to doing, but it was a big company and I think they had a process of firing people that took time and documentation.  Shit, I don’t know – I wouldn’t have disputed it.  I’da said… sweet… pay me unemployment and eat shit – but that’s not exactly how it went down. 

So, I was on a ramp of how much commissions I was supposed to be bringing in per month until I got to month like 6 or some such nonsense.  I didn’t care and/or pay attention because I continued to look for a job before my 1^st day of work with this company.  Basically it was like, I had to bring in $3K in revenue the 1^st month, $6K the next 2-months, $8K the 4^th month, $10K for the 5^th and l think the end goal was $12K a month at a minimum from 6-months on out.  I don’t really remember actually.  I specifically remember not caring about remembering the ramp at the time I was employed there, thinking it’d be a miracle if I was even still there in 6-months.

Let’s talk next about the kinds of meetings I was in with all my bosses. 

·         Angela, you’re not making your numbers.  Now, how is that physically possible when I was the only person on the team making placements?  But ok.

·         Angela, you’re acting a little anti-social in regards to the team.  Now, I’m sorry guys, but I was in a meeting with you like a couple of weeks ago, where you somehow fabricated the fact that I wasn’t making my numbers and so I decided to be a heads-down worker and now I am in a meeting about not being social enough?  So, am I supposed to make my numbers (which I needed a refresh course on what was actually expected of me, but I knew I was clearly over where I was supposed to be at the time – numbers-wise) OR shoot the shit about who got voted off American Idol last night, because I’m a bit confused.  This meeting ended with all of us staring at one another and me saying, well… I think we covered everything and then me leaving the office with them still staring at me.

·         Angela, because you seemingly can’t make your numbers, we believe that you sold you skill sets as a Senior Recruiter under false pretenses and in order to keep you, we will have to dock your salary by $10K and reclassify you as a Junior Recruiter.  WTF?  Are you kidding me?  I thought this meeting was to fire me.  As a matter of fact, I had hoped it was to fire me and was slightly disappointed by the fact that they just wanted to patronizingly condescendingly insult me.  Dude, you guys are really telling me I have to go back to my desk?!  PS – I asked them how much I was off from my projected quota for YTD and this, I swear on my life is what they said – You’re off by $40K.  Now, I had been there all of 3-months… and by my best math, there is no PHYSICAL way I could be in the hole $40K when I had made placements AND could only be in the whole a total of $18K if I hadn’t made 1 single placement.  $40K happened to  be over 2x my projected ramp. 

·         Seriously, at this point, I was like my salary now $10K less, the $60 it costs me to park a day and the $12 in toll fees each day – it started to feel like having a salary and health care really wasn’t all that friggin important.

Anyhow… 1 of my real bosses was going to be out of the office for several weeks.  That meant that the previously fired chick who was a RAVING bitch… I mean the kind that would plan something for the whole IT team and just not invite me for no real reason other than she decided on day 1 she didn’t like me, though I said and did nothing to her.  Which look, I hate that place and all the people in it, so it’s not like I would have gone had they invited me, but being treated like that in a place you hate eventually wears on even the strongest of personalities.  One time, one of the other members of the other side of the IT division asked me in front of that raving bitch if I was coming to an IT happy hour.  I said – Oh, I wasn’t invited.  And this broad has the audacity to say – Oh, yeah… you can come if you want to, but I don’t think I asked for enough space to accommodate an extra person.  To which I responded with – , I would love to attend this happy hour, to see that 1 you didn’t reserve a space in the exact number excluding me, 2 to prove that you just have a stick up your ass and to make you generally uncomfortable… because you don’t really know this about me, but I thrive in confrontational situations and really relish the times when I get to be a part of them, but really – I’ve had to listen to you run your mouth all day and frankly, the point I would be making just doesn’t sound worth it to me… so while I want to thank you for the kind bullshit of a forced offer, I’d rather stick my face in acid then go with you on a company happy hour.

Woulda thought that woulda gotten me fired too, right?  Nope.

Anyhow, to end this little story – on a Wednesday I go in to work and 1 of my 3 bosses is now out for several weeks and I am left with Big’en (because she really just was a big’en) telling me that she was going to be taking over some of my accounts because she was Senior and I was Junior.  Yeah, well I had decided that I could give a shit-less about salary and health care – I’d figure something else out on those notes – but I was definitely going to be fired and on that day, because I full intentions of collecting unemployment from them. 

I walked into my bosses boss’s office and sat down… closed the door and was like – look… I don’t want to be here, you clearly don’t want me here, so let’s cut the pleasantries and how about you just fire me?  She was like – oh no, I don’t know what you’re talking about… we want you he…  I cut her off.  I was like – No, no you don’t.  You thought docking my salary by $10K would get me to leave, and it didn’t.  Somehow I am probably up to being negative by $50K according to your records, which let’s get real honest in here, isn’t even physically possible after 4-months.  Seriously now?  Let’s cut the crap.  There are 2 options here… 1) you fire me and I leave happy OR 2) I can go back to my desk, kick off my shoes and read the book I have been trying to finish, until you get sick of looking at that and fire me.  I’m game for this situation going either way, but I am not quitting.  So if you want to go draft up those termination papers that you and I can sign and I can take with me, because I will be applying for unemployment about 5-minutes after I leave here, I’ll just be on my way.

With termination papers signed and in hand, I was escorted out about 5-minutes later.     

Now, on to my most recent firing… which will be FAR less entertaining.  I was just fired by my PCP (Primary Care Physician).  I’m sorry, what you ask?  How is this possible?  Well let me just tell you.

I’ve written before about me being on ADD meds – they are a CII narcotic and are fairly stringently regulated but the state and the doctors alike.  I’m not complaining about each different doctor’s preference and will accommodate their comfort-levels to have a working relationship where everyone wins.  Now, the doctor I used to see for years, retired.  Some younger doctors took over his practice and I was handed off to a doctor that I ended up really getting along with and loved!  He eventually moved to another practice and I was left being shuffled to the last doctor, the one I never wanted to see – Doctor Shashi Mittal – she’s in the Addison Family Medicine Associates Practice in Addison, TX.

This girl… I have NO idea how she has a license to practice medicine, to be perfectly honest.  She screwed up writing prescriptions for my meds multiple time, among a slew of other junk.  WORST DOCTOR EVER, I caution against using her… ever.  When I was transferred to her after my other doctor left the practice, she went through my previous meds background.  Which, fine – you need to get to know me, and there’s a lot to know about me.  Got it.  I was only in there asking for my ADD meds, which were due for a fill at the time.  She went through all my meds telling me that 99% of them I didn’t need to be on and there were better treatments for whatever those meds were treating that we far less addictive.  Well shit lady – I am in here asking for the street equivalent of speed and you are concerned about the addictive level of adding Promethazine (brand name Phenergan, an antinausea medication that can be used in combination with migraine meds to help the flow of blood when in the middle of a sever migraine) to my migraine medication regimen.  To which I said – well I’m sure you can see how many different cocktails my previous doctor and I went through before we landed on this method of treatment as being a successful one, right?  Not to mention he gave me 25 pills of Promethazine like 6-months ago, and I am not out of those, nor am I asking for a refill on those… so I am not real clear on how a medication regimen I am taking could be less at a risk for an addictive outcome?  She went down every pill I had registered on file in this manner.  I knew she and I were not going to be getting along.

Once she hit the fact that I have received Norco for endometriosis pain management, she came to a full stop.  I said – let me guess, there’s something far less addictive I could be taking?  She didn’t find that entertaining in the least.  She said – well that seems like an awful lot of Norco for you to be taking?  I said – I’m sorry, I just had surgery for my endometriosis in November 2010 and I had those files and x-rays sent to this office.  I’m sure you have a record of that, correct?  Furthermore, my doctor gives me a very limited amount for the year – which generally equates to 2-3 pills per month, should I need them and I have never called in a refill for them – meaning I take them as needed, wouldn’t you agree?  I made you aware about the other doctor, what she prescribes me, why she gives it to me and how much I get.  I actually didn’t have to do that, now did I?  I’m trying to be 100% completely honest about my medical record so that you can best treat me.  Not to judge me in any way, which is kind of how I was feeling during this little walk through my jacked up medical record.

So blah, blah – it wasn’t a good start.  Now on to her firing me for her gross incompetence.  After writing my ADD meds RX wrong about 15x, we’d come up with a plan that she would write me the RX for a 2-month supply and for the 3^rd month, I could come into the office and pick up a RX for the last month (with no co-pay fee) and then on the 4^th month, I needed to come in and meet with her, because of the type of medication this was.  Fine, sounds good.  I was just trying to avoid paying a $30 co-pay every month to see her, if she could give me an RX for 3-mths and then I will make an appointment.  Which PS – the only reason she wouldn’t write me the RX for 3-months was because she said I was getting too much of a (you guessed it) highly addictive drug.  Which yes, I take 3 pills in the morning so for a 3-month supply, it would be 270 pills.  Yes, a lot.  But here’s where I took issue… I have been on this for years.  I have never asked for the meds early and often times go longer than 3-months because I don’t necessarily take my ADD meds on the weekends, etc.  To which when I told her that 3-months would usually last longer than 3-months she told me that that meant I was getting too many pills.  Uh?  Oook.  I can ask for a refill exactly on the 3-month mark, but for someone who is concerned with me having too many of an addictive pill in my possession, this little process she had me moving on seemed counterproductive to her goal.

Whatever.  I can follow the rules and make very little waves.  It’s like my theory on Customs Lines at the airport.  You don’t joke.  You don’t screw around.  They tell you to take off your pants because they want a closer look; you take off your pants.  They are in charge.  With this kind of med, the doctor’s comfort-level runs the show. I’m good with that, but don’t be a dumb broad.  I think what I am asking is a fair trade / relationship with my doctor.

Ok.  April 2011 Dr. Mittal writes me an RX for my ADD meds for a 2-month supply (a total 180 pills).  She says in 60-days call in and I will write a RX that you can pick up for a 30-day supply (a total of 90 pills).  Got it; consider it done and done.  My 60-day RX would run out on June 26, 2011 – which was a Sunday.  In an effort to give my ignorant doctor enough time to write the RX before the weekend, I called for a refill on the morning of Thursday June 23, 2011 like at 10:00am.  I didn’t hear anything back from them on Thursday, so Friday morning around 11:00am, I call my doctors office to check on the status of getting the RX written.  Naturally, I get their voicemail.  I left a message.  I missed their return call, but I am guessing Dr. Mittal’s nurse, Amber called me and left me a message with her office line on it and told me to call her back.  I promptly did.  Now, Amber…. she might actually be more of an idiot than Dr. Mittal, if that’s physically possible.  Anyhow, she tells me (again, after I called in to check on the status of my RX), that oh yes, it was approved by the doctor, but that I won’t be able to get the RX until Monday.  Well, what the eff for?  Though I believe I actually said – well, if it’s been approved, I’m not sure why I would have to wait until Monday?  And the brilliant Amber says – well she didn’t write it before she left.

Well, AWESOME Amber.  Thanks.  So I say – well, I am out of my meds on Sunday, so I am not sure what I am supposed to do about that.  And this is where Amber thought she could enlighten me as to how I can help her better do her job in the future. 

She says – We always ask that patients give us a 24-hour notice on sensitive critical medications like this, so that we have time to process them, write the RX and get the meds to you on time.  In the future…

So, yeah you guessed it… I cut her right the eff off and said – Oh thanks Amber for that clarification.  But, that leaves me a bit confused, though.

Amber – How so?

Me – I called in my request yesterday morning (Thursday) around 10:00am, and here I am calling to check on the status of my RX being written… what’s this?  Oh, I would appear to be 24-hours later, right?  I mean unless you have a different definition of 24-hours notice – is that like 2-business days or like a literal 24-hours notice?

Amber – Oh, you called in and requested this be refilled yesterday morning?

Me – Yeah, I did.  And I didn’t get a call yesterday with a status update and I didn’t get a call today telling me the RX had been approved and I could come and pick it up on Monday.  So really, I’m a little confused as to how I can better facilitate this process in the future as I am following all your requirements and protocols on getting a sensitive critical medication refilled – am I not?

Amber – Either way, the doctor is not in to write your RX, so it’ll be Monday before you can get it.

Now, I know it sounds like I was being bitchy and I probably was, but I was being nice / polite bitchy at this point.  Not raising my voice and generally sounding like I was confused as to how I screwed up the process.  Amber didn’t really catch on to any of it as her tone never really changed.  That’s cool.  At this point, I was only annoyed.  Come Monday however, I damn near had a meltdown in the lobby of my ignorant doctors waiting area.

Monday June 27, 2011 – Noon rolls around and while at lunch, it dawned on me that I had not heard back from my doctor’s office about my RX being written.  So I called to make sure it was taken care of so that I could stop in on my way back to the office after lunch.  It was a rare occasion that someone actually answered the phone.  It was their front-lady who answered.  Now, let me just say that I am pretty sure that on a normal day, this lady hates her life, hates the fact that she woke up that morning and then headed on in to work for the day.  She is a peach to have to interact with, basically.

So I give her the short run down of Thursday and Friday of last week and that I just wanted to check to see if the RX was written so I could come get it.  She then informs me of this little gem… she says – Oh, well actually the doctor has declined writing the RX and says you need to make an appointment to see her before she will write you any more meds. 

Ok.  It’s official.  I’m encroaching on pissed-off status.  I’m had not completely arrived, but I was definitely being goaded into Belligerentville.  So I enquire as to why exactly it is that I was told on Friday that it had been approved and I could get it on Monday?  She said – I’m not sure about that, you’ll need to talk to Amber.

Friggin Amber?  Again?  Yeah, I really didn’t think so.

Me – Well ma’am, nothing personal against Amber, but she’s the one who told me it was approved on Friday, so I am not sure she’s the most informed person that I should be connecting with.

Her – She’s the one who will be writing your RX, so she will be the one you need to speak with.

Me – Actually, no.  Amber cannot write a CII RX, only the doctor can, so she’s as valuable to me as you are at this point (which I had hoped and was pretty sure that it did come across as not at all valuable).

Her – You are going to have to talk to Amber, I’m sorry. 

Me – Ok, well please tell Amber that Dr. Mittal and I had spoken 2-months ago and she said she would approve the 3^rd month of this medication without having to be seen by her.

Her – Ma’am again, you are going to have to talk to Amber.

Ok, THAT pissed me off.

Me – Ok, listen.  I heard you about Amber.  But you are going to have to walk a note in to her to call me back now aren’t you?  So I would like for you to take down my note and give it to her.  The likelihood is that I won’t need to talk with Amber after you give her my note.  Or were you going to hand her a note with my name and phone number on it and say – call this random patient and give no details on why I called and/or why she would be calling me back?  I just want to know what the process is, so I can properly follow it to make your jobs that much easier.

Her – Ok, but you will need to talk to Amber.  Would you like to go ahead and make an appointment to see Dr. Mittal in case she does need you to come in and be seen?

Me – That shouldn’t happen, but just for kicks, when is her next opening?

Her – Friday July 1, 2011 at 2:00pm.

Me – Ok, now wait 1 minute.  You mean to tell me… and I really just want to make sure my timeline is correct before I get a little out of hand here, but… you mean to tell me that I called in requesting this med to be refilled on Thursday June 23, 2011, and I received no call on Thursday with a status update. I called back on Friday and got the wonderful Amber who tells me my RX, which I ran out of my meds on Sunday, that the RX was approved and I could come in and get it on Monday.  I call in on Monday June 27, 2011 around noon only to be told – OH, no that RX has been declined and you need to be seen before she will give you a refill.  So, how is it that I was not called on Monday with this small but fairly critical update?  Furthermore, how come I was told it was approved on Friday?  How come I was not told then that it would be declined?  How come I had to call today and find out it was declined?  How come when the RX was declined, I didn’t get a call from anyone from your office?  How come now, on Monday, when I made it clear that I would be out of my meds as of yesterday from the very first call I made requesting a refill, do I find out that the next available appointment is Friday – making that a full 5 days of being completely out of my medication.  Is this correct?

Her – I wouldn’t know what and/or why Amber would have told you that and there are no notes saying that she did tell you that.

Me – So, I guess that because there is no documentation, it didn’t happen?  I’m just making up my frustration and the events of the last 3 days, I guess? 

Her – Well, like I said, you’re going to have to speak with Amber.

I was OVER the conversation, this idiot and the whole damn process. 

I waited a few hours and I hadn’t so much as heard a peep back from them on the status, if it was going to be written, if I needed to secure in that Friday appointment… nothing.  So I call up to the office.  No one answers.  I call the number Amber left for me on Friday.  No one answers.  I wait a few and try both numbers a couple of times and no one answers any of the lines / numbers I have for them.

I was stewing at my desk, by the 12^th unanswered call.  So I said to hell with it, they are all of 2-minutes from my office, I’ll just go up there personally and see what the status is on my RX being written.

I walk in and I know the lady behind the glass is the lady I spoke with around noon, only 2.5 hours earlier – literally.  Now, I while I was pissed, I kept my cool because again, it was like I was in line at Customs trying to get back into the USA from Mexico.  I was calm and to the point.  I walked in and politely said – Hey, you and I spoke around noon today about getting a refill on my RX, do you remember speaking with me? 

Her – No, actually.  I don’t.  Can you refresh my memory, please?

ARE YOU EFFIN SERIOUS WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!

Me – Oh sure, no problem.  I called asking about the 30-day ADD RX that was declined saying I needed to be seen before I could get that RX again.

Her – No, still not ringing a bell… which medication was it?

Me – It’s a CII med for ADD.

Her – Oh yeah, that kind of rings a bell.  Let me check on that.

REALLY?!  OMG… I HATE YOU.

She comes back and says that the doctor approved it and was writing the RX.  Which, at that point, I was encroaching on livid-pissed status.  I mean, so no call saying it was approved… nothing?!  REALLY?!  And I was questioning if it was even approved because you would think if it had been, it would have already been written.  Eh… at that point, I didn’t care.  I was getting the RX and that was all that mattered.  After this little go around, I wasn’t planning on returning to such a shitty doctor’s office with incompetent staff and more incompetent doctors. 

The front desk girl comes back and hands me the RX after she charges me $10 as the cost to the doctor to write the RX.  THEN she takes the most condescending tone with me and begins to explain that the doctor only wrote it for 30-days and I would need to be seen before she’d write another RX.

Me – Oh, you mean like exactly what was supposed to happen?  I seem to be the only one understanding that she was going to write the script for 30-days and I would come in next month for a visit?  I don’t know why you are giving me these directions and in that tone, to be honest?

I didn’t wait for an answer, I turned on my heels and walked out.

I got 2-steps out of the door and turned right around and went back into my doctor’s office.  I say to the lady at the front desk – this RX should be written for a supply of 90 pills, not 30 pills. 

This lady throws her hands on her hips and YELLS at me – NOW I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WOULD ONLY BE GETTING A 30-DAY SUPPLY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU DIDN’T UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT?!

So, I calmly start out my next statement like this – Oh, yes!  I completely understand that, but I take 3-pills a day, so a total of 30-pills will only get me through 10-days.  A supply of 90-pills IS a 1-month supply.  You might want to just double check on that and let me know.

She snatched the RX out of my hand and stormed off.  When she resurfaced, she had nothing in her hands.  I thought, well shit… now I’ve done it!  They aren’t going to write the script at all – shit.  If ONLY that had been the issue… but nah, it was something far better.  I was standing about 10-feet away from the front counter and facing away from them.  I was trying to keep my composure and not get belligerent until I had the RX in hand.  The front-desk lady says the most unforgettable sentence to me, which damn near resulted in my hitting – postal rage – level. 

Her – According to our records for you, you have always only been on 1 pill a day.

Now, somehow I floated from where I was standing to right up on the front-desk window.  I remember being so pissed that I was afraid to speak.  Instead, I looked like a crazy person about to break.  I had both hands raised up to my temples.  My middle fingers were tapping my temples and my eyes were forcefully and tightly squeezed shut and I might have been rocking a little… I’m not 100% sure.  What I did manage to get out between teeth that were tightly shut against one another was – I can’t even begin to tell you how angry and frustrated I just became.  I mean I said it as calm as day, which kind of freaked me out to be honest.  I can only imagine what I looked like to her – but screw her.

I stopped talking for what felt like an eternity but was probably only 20-seconds so I could gain composure.  When I began again, I said – well, that would be news to me seeing how in the entire time I have been on this medication I have never, not even for 1 day been on 1 pill a day.  I think that the pharmacy might find it interesting that they gave me 180-pills 2 months ago and the directions should have read 1-pill a day instead of 3.  Also, according to your “records” (which yes, I literally air quoted in her face), and based on the fact that she wrote me an RX for 180-pill 2-mths ago, I’m about 4-months early on requesting a refill, now aren’t I?  Furthermore, whose records are any of you looking at?  It literally can’t be mine, or you would know how ridiculous you sound right now.  I mean, I would be happy to have the pharmacy scan and email you a copy of the RX that Dr. Mittal can’t seem to remember writing less than 60-days ago and really, why should she have to remember?  I mean she makes notes in patient records… oh, yeah… that… hmm… I’m not sure what to do from here?  I mean, can you give me your fax number?  I’ll be glad to have my pharmacy fax you records for the last 3 years I have been here and been getting this medication from this practice?  What is it that I can provide to you, so that you can do your job better?  Huh?

Her – Well, I am only going by what your records say.

Me – You aren’t looking at my records, because if you were, you would be handing me an RX written for 90-pills / a 30-day supply rather than telling me I am wrong about what meds and how much of those meds I have been on for the last several years.  Right?  

She walked off and when she returned, she handed me an RX written for a supply of 90-pills for a 30-day supply.  And this bitch had the audacity to REPEAT her original condescending tone with me and begun to explain AGAIN that the doctor would only be writing it for 30-days and I would need to be seen before she’d write another RX. 

OMG!  REALLY?!

I stared at her with that blank dead-fish glazed over stare.  Dumbfounded.  Rendered speechless for like the 2^nd time in my life.  When I did gather my thoughts, I said to her – I am just so disappointed with how this office has handled this and treated me.

Her – Well, if you had called the right phone number originally, none of this would have happened.

Me – (Now, I had NO EFFIN idea what number she was referring to, but I was so far past understanding what that even meant) I’m sorry.  I find it deplorably reprehensible and erroneous on your part for you to even infer or attempt to hint at the inference that I am in the wrong here?  Please tell me that’s not what you’re doing here?  I mean, did you just blame me for this situation?  How am I to blame for the doctor writing an RX improperly – I mean among a slew of a variety of ill-missteps taken by pretty much every single staff member in this office that I could reference from the last 3-days?

Her – No, ma’am.  You misunderstood.  I wasn’t blaming you. I merely said that had you left a message on the proper line, this could have been resolved.

Me – Now, I really hate to break this down to the semantics of it all but you are still blaming me.  I mean, last time I checked… that by you saying I didn’t call the right line and I screwed up the process to now saying that you said I didn’t leave a voicemail – which you never mentioned the word voicemail in your first accusation – that my actions and/or lack thereof are the direct result of the situation I am currently in.  That’s absolutely ludicrous.  1- I called in my request 24-hours in advance. 2- I was told when I checked back in 24-hours later that the RX had been approved and I could get it on Monday, which here we are.  3- Monday, I call and follow-up again to be told that my RX is declined.  And I ask that a message of clarity be provide so that I could get the RX as promised 2-months ago and again last Friday.  TO 4- You telling me that ALL of this could have been resolved if I had left a message on the proper phone line?  REALLY?  Is that REALLY what you are telling me right now?  How unprofessional can 1 doctors office actually be? I didn’t wait for the answer.

Angela: Exits Stage Left.

As soon as I walked out of that office and decided that I would promptly begin looking for a new doctor.  PS – from the time I arrived at their office to the time I was walking out with the correct RX, it had been 45-minutes.  THAT little realization further pissed me off.

So that was on Monday June 27, 2011.  On Wednesday June 30, 2011 – I get the letter below… FIRING ME.  As of blah, blah I am terminating our patient-physician relationship, blah, blah…

Are you EFFIN kidding me?!  Well… really, this is exactly something that I would expect to happen to me.  But I have to say, that I wanted to tell them to EFF off, not the other way around.  Well played you incompetent excuse for a doctor.  Consider our relationship terminated, bitch.

Except as soon as I said that, they then decided that they would take every bit of the legal 15-days they have to give me, in-hand, a copy of my medical records.  When I called and asked for them, I damn near came unglued.  I ask the girl, who I now think was Amber, if it would be possible for me to run by the same day at the end of the day and get a copy of those records.  She LAUGHED and said and I quote…

Uh, no.  I have far more important things to do, like see and treat patients.  So, mid-weekish when I can maybe get around to it, I will get you taken care of – but not before then.  By law, we have 15 days to give you your medical records, so there is plenty of time.

OMG… if ever I wanted to threaten someone… it would have been RIGHT then.  But then I thought, you really are going to piss off the wrong person one day and I don’t want to be on record or in the middle of a criminal case defending why I said I would burn the place down in a fit of rage whilst being told I was not important to be worth 5-minutes of her time. 

Seriously… I got fired by my PCP.  It wouldn't be the first time I was fired for being right... but lo and behold, it's yet another ridiculous event to add to the list...