So, I went to the eye doctor recently after a 15+ year hiatus. I mean, it’s not like I was avoiding the experience, I just didn’t see a real reason to go if I could see just fine. Blah, blah – I know that I should go to get checked for eye disease, but really – who qualifies that? No one. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying it’s a fact.
The doctor dilates my eyes so they can figure out how bad my eyes are and to figure out the prescription for glasses, should I need them (which I did). Here’s what I had forgotten about getting your eyes dilated – you can’t see shit. Well you can’t really see anything up-close anyhow and reading is 100% out of the question. I mean, the front desk girl gave me a pair of readers which were supposed to help (and I use the term help, loosely) with being able to see things up-close.
So blah, blah – I go back and the doctor looks at my eyes and determines I need reading glasses. Fine. I was pretty sure I needed glasses of some-sort.
Now, here’s a fun factoid – your eyes stay dilated for like several hours. This isn’t a fun or funny factoid, it’s more like a – I really feel like you should let someone pick out a pair of frames BEFORE you dilate the ole peepers, you know… in case they will need a pair. Instead, they dilate you, tell you that you need glasses, THEN send you on the floor to pick out a pair of frames.
To reiterate – they first dilate your eyes THEN tell you to pick out a pair of frames when you can’t see shit 1-foot from your face.
Is anyone else seeing the gross error in frame selections, here?
So there I am… blind for all intents and purposes. I have a pair of readers on trying to squint and pick out glasses. I can’t tell what the heck I was looking at to say the least. Now it could be said that if I knew I would likely need glasses, why not start picking something out while I waited on my apt. Well smart ass – I had done that… 3-days earlier when I was in the place making my appointment. Trouble was that the morning of my appointment, they had a new shipment of glasses for the new season.
Which, who the eff knew there were seasons for glasses frames? Apparently, when you go to a glasses place in far Northwest Plano, this was something I should have known.
That being said, I had picked out a pair of frames that were perfect for me and my tiny baby-sized face. I knew exactly where they were and what they looked like – even if I was blind. EXCEPT, the 1 pair I wanted was no longer available and it wasn’t until I was dilated and trying to find that perfect pair of frames on the shelf it lived on 3 days prior, that I was told that the whole store had been moved around and updated with the new season of frames.
Are you friggin kidding me?
No, they weren’t – just to be clear. So… there I am… with a pair of readers on searching for the perfect frames like an old person shopping for produce. You know, glasses on (which they keep readjusting thinking that by adjusting them, they’ll magically see better), picking up every peach, turning it around, holding it up to the light (you know, for better viewing), and squeezing and tapping it while the entire time with their eyes squinted nose scrunched and mouth breathing because somehow with all that activity going on in trying to see 1 damned piece of fruit, breathing through the nose becomes a reflex task that is too much for the brain to sustain.
Exchange the word “peach” for “frames”… and you’d have exactly what I imagined I looked like trying to pick out the damn frames.
I had the readers on trying to see the frames. Then I would pick a pair of frames and put them on, except then I had no help from the readers to be able to see them in the mirror that was less than a foot from my face. The mirror would have had to be 1 city block away from me, if I wanted a somewhat clearer image of how I looked in the frames. The task of picking out my frames became so much of a beating, that I literally trusted the extremely gay sales guy on his opinion of what looked good on me. I mean, I figured he was gay… he likely knew what was fashionable.
I pulled my whole – to hell with it! Do these look the best?
He says – They compliment your face and they are a good color of brown that matches your hair and facial features. Additionally, they match your eyebrow line perfectly. It’s like these glasses were made for your face.
Now all I could see was what I was pretty sure was my face and a brown blob sitting atop my nose. I thought – to hell with it.
ME – Well let’s wrap these puppies up and call this a day.
Personally… I was surprised by the fact that they did indeed look pretty damn good! That just goes to show, that I am amazing… even with impaired vision (not that anyone was even remotely questioning that fact).
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