good old tommy tomster... always good for a giggle...

I found myself in a weird chance of events earlier this week. Which I realize is clearly hard for anyone to conceptualize that I found myself in a weird situation – but it’s true. I’m going to assume that pretty much everyone has had a boss (past or present) that they would classify as an epic fail. Personally, a few come to the top of my mind, but one in particular really stands out as the clear winner.

Some back story…
A few years ago, I worked for a company that was a small home-grown business. I was brought on to an already existing dysfunctional little family that was devoid of a person sitting in the management role. A manager from another division, which was not even in the same type of industry that our line of business was in, was managing our team in the interim of finding a permanent manager. I’d just like to point out that hiring a team backwards (i.e. build the team then find its manager), is really just a set up for a disastrous situation. Enter the next 2-years of my life.

Not too long after I had joined this particular company and they had finally hired on our divisions manager, the company was sold to another company that had a larger presence and was national. This was positive news to me, in that since our team was the only unique team in the whole company, if we could show great success with our line of business we could have easily expanded into opening up divisions nationally. The people who would ultimately carry that responsibility would have almost certainly come from the team that forged the road of success. I saw a great deal of endless possibilities and huge career opportunities. That being said, I had a very vested interest in making the team successful, cohesive and productive. This objective was ultimately perceived as me wanting my boss’s position. And to just drive that point home, I was personally told by my manger that the reason we didn’t get along and/or work together effectively was because he believed I was trying to replace him with myself.

Laughable.

Now, I am not particularly sure that any of you have had this kind of situation arise, but my personal experience was that if someone who is in a role of power / management is that insecure about their own capabilities that they believe that their subordinate could outshine them and more specifically actively and in a predatory manner threaten to take (or eliminate) their position, that subordinate’s life is destined to be a miserable existence. Check. Miserable, it was. But what was truly perplexing about this particular manager, he had really honed his manipulative skills and mastered them to a science. To meet him, even now, you would think he is a really smart, sharp, successful and talented person. Conversely, should you have to work under him, you find very quickly that he is cunning, manipulative, threatened, paranoid (to really obsessed about being paranoid), and malicious. He hides the 2-sides almost effortlessly. A talent that looking back on it, is about the only impressive thing about him.

For instance… He and I were trying to close a deal together. I’m not one to play good-cop / bad-cop, but this particular manager thought it was ideal. An ideal that I open rejected participating in; if he wanted to lie and manhandle his targets, that’s your deal and not mine. Anyhow, he was trying to pull some shady dealings with this particular deal and I made the comment that it’s rare that we have a client that really wants a candidate and a candidate that really wants a client and we can’t make it work because of the politics of it all. Now, I’m not particularly sure what it was that my boss heard from that statement, but he went from zero to belligerent in like 4.2 seconds.

He jumped up and headed to the front of our office, where the conference rooms were located, and proceeded to tell me that I needed to join him for a 1-on-1 meeting immediately. And maybe I am not conveying this effectively enough, but he was in the rafters – all up IN the damned rafters. Well, I said to hell with that, I’m not going in there and watching Mount Vesuvius explode. Pass. When I didn’t follow him into the conference room, he then decided to call my desk phone from the conference room phone. I hit ignore. He called it again. Ignore. Then I switched my phone to DND (do not disturb) where the next time he tried to call my desk, it would actually just go straight to voicemail. The next thing I hear is our team’s admin on the phone and I just knew it was him calling her since I was clearly ignoring him. She got up and came over and said – he wants you to get (we’ll call him) Bob (my boss’s boss) and join him in the conference room immediately.

Well, awesome.

So I get Bob and say that (we’ll call my boss) Tom wants to talk with you and me in the conference room and that I wasn’t sure what it was about. Now here’s where the impressive part of Tom would always, 100% of the time, make its debut appearance. He was leaned back in his chair looking cool, calm and collected. Not even so much of a hint of his disdain for whatever egregious error he had perceived that I had done was visible. I’ll give him credit for that much. Snake.

He starts out the conversation like this – so, Bob I called you in here because I wanted to get your opinion on something that just happened.

And I won’t lie. That was the last thing I that remember hearing him say. You know how in the movies things go quiet all around a person or the main character stays in complete focus but the background fades away and blurs out? Yeah, I was living that moment in a complete moment of livid rage. Now, I knew that Tom wanted me to react in just the way I was feeling in that moment. I am fairly certain my face was red, but I didn’t care. While Tom droned on about how I had done this and how I had done that, the ONLY thing I focused on while my ears were horrifically ringing was – keep your face straight, don’t talk, stay calm, don’t make any expressions, stay calm, don’t talk, don’t react, keep it together… And after what felt like a damned eternity and after I realized that Tom had completed his attempt at making me appear in a horrible light and they were both looking at me for my response is when I responded. Keep in mind I had no idea what Tom had actually said about me, but it was always the same 1-note show with him so it didn’t matter that I was mentally absent from listening to his drivel.

I collected myself enough to say – Well Bob, I’m not entirely sure what Tom is talking about here, to be honest. My only issue was that this situation tugged at my heartstrings a little. By that I mean, we have all the right players that are ready to take the next step, but because of the politics of it all, it’s just not going to happen no matter what we try and pull out to make it work. That was the only thing I had said about this situation, so I’m unclear as to what I am supposed to be saying here.

Bob looked from me to Tom and said – Well, if that’s the case, then I’m not sure why I am in here either Tom? Tom looked like he’d been hit by an unforeseen semi and I gave him a little smirk of a smile. I hope he got the whole – right back at you, you sorry excuse for a human being, because two can play at this little game. The meeting ended and for the next 2-weeks, I was in meeting after meeting with Tom about my attitude and negativity coupled with the all out barrage of petty outlandish lashing out that I endured in between these little scheduled meetings.

Tom is also the same guy who was trying to document how he was reprimanding me so he could make a case for my termination. Which, please. I must say that if he thought I didn’t know that little fact, then he was a complete idiot. I had decided that he’d have to fire me before I’d quite. The way that I envisioned that day playing out would be Tom pushing me out the front doors in my wheelie chair, because if you thought you could make me quit, well you got another thing coming! That being said, he was trying to email himself the rundown of one of our (what had become) daily attitude meetings, for documentation purposes. In that email, he had listed out the course of action that he planned to take if I did not meet this ridiculous list of crap that he had set out that was completely designed to fire me (i.e. unrealistic and subject measures of reprimanding me until it ultimately lead to my termination).

You might be asking me how I know about this email if he was emailing it to himself. Well, I’ll tell you. This moron tried to email it to himself from his work email and in the email line the beginning of his personal email and the tag that would send an email to the entire company were the same (by sheer coincidence). That being said, he ultimately emailed that little expose to the entire company instead of to his personal email. Sure, it pissed me off, but really that shit cracked me up at the end of the day. Mostly because it showed everyone what a massive douche he was. Hilarity, really. Wasn’t as hilarious when it was happening, but nonetheless, it is humorous now.

Anyhow, I lived in this abusive relationship for almost 2-years. These are just 2 examples of the friggin alphabetized mental file cabinet that I could easily pull from. I mean, this is the same guy who looked me dead in my face and told me that he would step in front of a bullet to protect his team and me personally. My response was – don’t you mean, step out of the way? Yeah, that little outburst made it to his documentation list. I only know because I saw that he had written it down on his to-do list to make sure my insubordinate behavior was documented properly. Yeah, eat me.

Anyhow, I say all of that to say this next part. It’s been almost 3-years since I last saw / worked for Tom. And then Tuesday of this week happened. I was at a meeting that was being hosted by 1 company and they had invited several other companies to attend. I was there talking to a guy I knew and worked with previously, when in walked Tom. I tried to side-step to be shielded by the wall, but no such luck. He spotted me. This guy was full-on open-mouthed toothy SUPER excited smiling coupled with frantically waving his hand ‘hi’ at me. I mean, you would have thought that I was his dad coming home from a 1-year tour in Iraq with how happy he looked to see me. Really, dude?

Well, damn.

I’m around like a boatload of professional people and am there representing my company, so instead of frantically waving my middle finger back at him, I did the what’s up nod and went back to the conversation I was having with my friend. As if that wasn’t enough to say we did our cordial ‘hello’ and move on, he came up to me while I was in line to get some lunch and did the whole placing 1-hand on my shoulder and saying – it’s really good to see you. The only thing I said back was – oh, looks like I am next in line – and walked out from under his hand and grabbed some food and moved on.

I mean, I think this guy has absolutely lost it. Delusional. What, in the name of all that is holy, would make this guy REMOTELY think I wanted to socialize with him in any capacity. I mean, for 2-years of your life, you actively and intentionally, tried to get me fired. That doesn’t make us chummy at events 3-years later. I mean, things like – take a handful of Zoloft dude and even your personality right out – were things that I refrained from saying. See, anyone who says I have not grown as a person can eat me. My little – don’t say everything you think – exercise in self-restraint I have been working on, really paid off. Well, I thought anyhow. Hey you can change the reaction, you can’t change how you think!

After all that happened, I just had to text one of the girls that I still talk to who worked for Tom and with me all those years ago. Tom had it out for her before he came after me. And she had it right, she just bailed out and moved on. Probably what I should have done, but no one was going to appreciate me telling her about Tom like she was. When I was texting her, it reminded me of a few other things Tom had done over the years that I feel awfully compelled to share.

After I had moved on to another job, and Tom’s division at my previous company had been eliminated (which FYI, this tends to happen when you cook the books; another story for another time), he reached out to me on LinkedIn. He left me a little gem of an email that ordinarily I would have ignored and not responded to, but damn… I just had to respond. At the company I was then working for, there was a Regional Manager position open. That Manager would be managing the team I was newly sitting on. Tom emails me and asks me if I will refer him into that role and then sent me his resume.

Ok, now – what?! Have you taken up smoking crack, or what?

So I replied with – So let me get this straight. You want me to refer you into a role that will ultimately have you managing me again?

Like on what planet do you do everything in your physical power to destroy a person and then ask for a favor? I mean, like I said… this guy is pretty damned impressive. Although I like to think that he’d run through all his “friends” and then found himself at the lowest point like… well I guess asking Angela wouldn’t be too bad, right? Enough time has passed, wouldn’t you think? But for him to have had even a remote hint of insight, that would require him to first admit that he’s a lunatic; a delusionally wrong lunatic. So, I’ll pretend that that’s what happened, but it’s highly likely that it did not.

Then after that little short but highly entertaining transaction, a couple years later I received another email from him on LinkedIn. I mean, because when you find a method that clearly works, you REALLY want to tap into it. Again, 100% delusional. This time, I was more willing to ignore and not reply to the email, but 2 seconds after I opened it and read it, the reply was written and sent before I even knew what happened.

He wrote me asking if he could list me as a professional reference.

Ok… LMAO! What?! Dude, really? This is bordering on intervention time. Something’s not right with you sweetie. Seriously. I generally don’t suggest meds as a solution, but damn if ever there is a case that I would advocate for someone taking a huge handful…

So I replied in numbered fashion, because I think that that method really drives the point right on home…

Tom,
1- I'm going to assume you sent this request to the wrong Angela.
2- Nonetheless, I would LOVE to serve as a professional reference for you. Please pass my contact info on to anyone who might need it.
3- I will only be as kind and generous as you were when you were providing all those glowing backdoor references on me, all those years ago.
-Angela

Now for those of you who don’t know what a backdoor reference is, it’s when you know someone who worked with the person you are doing a reference check on and you call them up to have a FAR more candid unofficial reference. Now Tom probably didn’t know that I knew he was doing that when I had moved on from working for him all those years ago, but I did. I knew perfectly well that even after he was no longer my manager, he STILL wanted to stick it to me. And what I also wanted to tell him was that his name in the market place was one that brought laughter and high eyebrow raises. In many interviews, the interviewers would often say (highly sarcastically) – You worked under Tom? Well how’d that work out for you? And I never once bad-mouthed him, though it took every fiber of my very being not to. I’d say generic things like – He was my boss and I took my directives from him, so I’m not sure what you’re asking for here? Or some interviewers who knew him would say – I worked with Tom before, but I am curious as to what your thoughts on his management style are? And I’d say things like – Well if you worked with or for him, then that makes you already aware of his management style. Then there’d be a long pause followed by some vague smile dancing across their faces, a silent understanding, and we’d move on.

Anyhow… seeing good old Tommy Tomster the other day, and his extreme happiness to see me, made me think of all the nut-so things he did and his delusional perception of thinking I'd do him any favors after we'd worked together. It’s really concerning too, because when he said where he worked now, he said his title was managing the Mid-America Region. Like who in their effin right mind would let you manage a region?! Only a matter of time really. His LinkedIn profile is spotty since his division was eliminated at the previous company that we both worked at. Not to mention, that it was found (by Gumshoe Angela) that the resume he used to get the job all those years ago where he was managing me, was also fabricated. What a sad, sad person he is. But he’s always good for a good giggle when I look by on it all! I'm sure here in a few months he'll reach out to me, via LinkedIn, and ask for another favor or some such nonsense. Maybe this time I won't reply... but then again, if I don't reply then the antics stop there. I'm not sure with how much growing as a person I have done, that I could refrain from reminding him how much of a dumbass he really is. It'd really be a disservice, an injustice really, to anyone who's ever come in contact with this dbag. It all remains to be seen... but for now, I am laughing; laughing hard at his expense.