The Angela Sandwich…

Ok, I think that this story has perhaps truly gotten out of control. I’m now in the midst of a love triangle called The Angela Sandwich. Truthfully, I wish that I was a good enough story teller to be making this all up. I’m not. This really happened…

I’m outside sitting on the bench, taking a breather… playing Bejeweled. (I should be embarrassed by my obsession with that game, but I just dare you to try and beat my top score… you know what?! Because you can’t!!) It’s around 11:00am at this point.

Code Name: Bejeweled Loser.

Bob comes strolling up and says – Can you go to lunch today?
I say – No I can’t. I’m meeting a friend for lunch today. (Which I already knew my friend couldn’t meet me for lunch because he was being a HUGE loser. I digress.) He says – When can you do lunch this week?
I say – How about tomorrow? (I just have to see how this plays out… I’m beyond intrigue.)
He says – I can’t Wednesday, but how about Thursday at 1pm.
I say – Yeah, alright that should work.
He says – I will see you then. (And walks off.)

It’s now 12:45pm and the scene is the same, except I am on the bench outside my office on the phone with my brother (gasp, not Bejeweled… I know, it was hard for me too).

Bob spots me for the 2nd time today and says – I thought you were meeting some for lunch today?! (With that tone of you lying bitch!)
I say – Huh?! (I’d actually forgotten that I’d lied about that not 1-hour before! Oops. This is getting quite complicated what with keeping track of lies and such…)
He says – You said you were meeting your friend at 1pm for lunch today. (Dude’s now officially calling me out on my lie.)
I say – Yeah, I am meeting him at 2pm. (Returning the look of confusion… like it was always at 2pm and you’re an interrogative little prick).
He says – I could have sworn you said 1pm.
I say – I actually didn’t tell you a time when we talked. You’re just stuck on 1pm for some reason. (There was a total sense of confidence in my voice when I said it.)
He says – Oh, ok. (Defeated and sporting a bewildered look, questioning if I had in fact said a time and if I did, was it 2pm? In which case, he just made himself look like an ass.)

Angela: 1:0
Bob: 0:1

It’s 1:30pm and the scene is the exact same as the previous. There’s some family drama happening on the other end of the phone… another story for another day. And Bob has now managed to spot me for yet a 3rd time in a 2-hour span. Concerning, much?!

As I hung up the phone, he says – I am going to just sit here and keep you company. (I figured it was as good of time as any to converse with the guy for a bit, sans Bejeweled.)
Before I can even say anything to his 1st statement, he says – I don’t really believe in organized religions. (Uh… what the fuck?!)
I say – Oh really, I’m Catholic.
He says – (and I shit you not) Oh well it’s not you’re fault that you’re a Catholic.
I say – Uh, I’m not sure I know what you mean? It’s not like being Jewish, where you’re just born that way?!
He says – Well, when I raised myself up, things were different. I’m a lot smarter now then when I was a kid. You know about denominations and all.
I say – Uh… huh… I would hope you were… (In a sluggish, probably appalled tone.)

It’s about this time that I noticed he had cracked into a Lunchable. He was literally having his Lunchable Lunch while keeping me company.

Three seconds before I made an off handed remark surrounding him not being smarter as an adult and Lunchable related (it would have been clever) another guy I know in the building came outside and sparked up a smoke. His actual name is Dave. I had talked with him, last week about what he does and all that good stuff and had even given him a potential lead on some things. It’s not like we were best of friends or anything… but I was happy to see him walk out there to offset creepy dude. Turns out Bob and Dave work together – good lord!

I say – You never stopped by to give me your card last week.
Dave says – I know, I forgot. I will drop by this afternoon and give it to you.
I say – (In front of Bob) Ok, but I have a lunch apt at 2pm. So if you come down then, I won’t be there.
Dave says – Alright, I will stop by today though, for sure!
I say – Ok, and head into the building.

Sure enough at 2:15pm, Dave shows up to see me. Right in the middle of my fake lunch plans! Crap. I’m not a very good liar! Before he could even open his mouth to speak, I say – It’s a good thing my lunch apt canceled, otherwise you would have had to leave that with the front admin. (I’m not exactly sure why leaving it with the admin would have been a bad thing, but I was pressured… and semi-folded under that pressure of needing a quick lie).

This is getting out of control.

He wanted to tell me more about his company, what they do, how our company and his company could partner, etc. Blah, blah… who cares? I didn’t. I was just making small talk outside earlier, as a way to not have to talk to Bob or watch him build his Lunchable sandwiches and carefully nibble around the entire outside before shoving the rest in his mouth. I zoned out on Dave’s conversation.

When I did eventually check back in, it was to the words – So where can I take you to lunch next week? Where do you like to eat around here?

Wait, what?! Did Dave just ask me out to lunch?? Yep, he sure as shit did. Before I could even process that question, he’d somehow managed to mention that he was 39 years old and something else… I don’t know. This conversation was all a semi-blur.

When I finally did speak the only words I found were – Is this a joke? Seriously, is this a setup?!
Dave says – What are you talking about?
I say – well you know that… by the way, what is that guy’s name – the one you work with?
Dave says – His name’s Michael. He’s a little squirrely, but completely harmless.
I say – Right, well you know that Michael has been asking me out to lunch for weeks now?!
Dave says – I didn’t know that. Michael is our front office admin. He’s not all there, but again harmless, a teddy bear really. (Like now that he knew Michael was courting me, he felt compelled to reiterate that he wasn’t a lunatic, but rather a teddy bear… harmless…)
I say – Uh, huh…
Dave says – I tell you what… I won’t tell Michael I was even here today. He doesn’t know I even came down right now to talk to you. We just won’t tell him about it and I will come down sometime and see if you are available for lunch. My treat. What do you think?
I say – Yeah, sure… stop in and if I am available, I would be more than happy to go with you.

I mean, I figured that at this point, why not. This has spun itself completely out of control. And now I am smack in the middle of an Angela Sandwich, a friggin love triangle!! I would like to see Michael and Dave fight over me though. Now, that’d be pretty funny. Or if we all end up at a carefully orchestrated lunch (by yours truly of course) where I start out the conversation by saying… guys, we need to talk…

Nonetheless, I at least know Bob’s real name is Michael and he’s an office admin. Eh… respectable, but not impressive. I suppose that kinda makes me a bitch.

I could care less… dating either one of these guys that I have zero interest in but would like to see how it all unfolds, kinda makes me a bitch to start, why start caring now?!

To be continued…