Considering breaking up with Bob…

I have yet to have my official invite from Bob on the old lunch date. That’s getting a bit annoying, really. Especially with all the small talk I have had to make with this dude. I’m nearing being over this whole saga, quite frankly.

Yesterday, I’m walking in from lunch as Bob is walking past me in the other direction out to lunch (I’m guessing). He says hey or something – I don’t really know as I wasn’t really paying attention to him. I think I said hey back. Whatever I said and/or however I said it caused Bob to be concerned that I wasn’t having a good day. Great.

10 seconds passes and I can hear his quickened footsteps approaching me followed by a –Hey Angela… wait a second. I didn’t stop or turn around. And then in an instant he sends a salvo of questions in my direction.

Is everything ok?
Are you having a bad day?
Is there anything I can do to help?
You look sad today.

Ok, I look sad today?! That’s a pretty bold statement to make when you’re not even standing in front of me. Did I look sad from the back? How does one even look sad from the back and if I did, in fact, look sad from that back that would kinda concern me a bit – enough to walk backwards everywhere I was going for the next week. I’d prefer you see my happy front.

I said something benign in return, like – No, I’m good. I think I even chuckled a bit when I said it. Like, how dumb are you for even asking, kinda chuckle.

He didn’t get it.

Context clues… inferences… must have been wasted on him during his SAT prep courses. Wow. I think I just gave this guy more credit then he deserves. SAT prep course?! Yeah, I’m laughing at the mere thought he even went to college or had plans of attending college after high school (most likely, though – GED).

Bob has now made it side-by-side with me and we are walking together. I really didn’t want people to see us together, honestly. Well, with the exception of Dave seeing us – I’d like to keep the sandwich alive – but it seems as if Dave has grown weary of competing with Bob. I don’t blame him. It’s a damn fulltime job, because Bob’s everywhere.

I picked up my pace and as he was in a slow jog to keep up, he moved in front of me – between me and my salvation – the door to my office. *sigh* Now I HAVE to deal with you. FINE… what do you effin want?

He inquires about my buddy who I was meeting for lunch last week. The one that cancelled on me at the last minute because of “work” (which we ALL KNOW you don’t work – whatever). In an attempt to keep my own interest in the garage dater saga, I’d told Bob that I was meeting a friend who was going out of town for a week or so. Bob pressed into more details asking me where he was heading and I said overseas (which wasn’t true) to backpack or something. I’m not sure why I felt compelled to make that part up, but lo and behold, I did and then I filed that lie away into the category of that’ll never come up again… commit to memory?! I checked the no box and moved on.

Now here I am face-to-face with Bob and he says – your friend… you know the one that’s out of town the one you met for lunch last week?

And seriously, in that moment – I had zero recollection of what he was even talking about, that I had even lied about that lunch and what friggin friend was he talking about?!

At a minimum… 30 seconds passes.

I search my lie database frantically trying to retrieve the proper lie and the exact right lie to further the lie that I couldn’t even remember I had lied about in the 1st place. It was in that moment that I realized I was a far better liar when I was a kid. I miss that.

After enough time passes without me saying anything, Bob goes – you know the one who went out of the country?!

*DING* Thank you Bob… memory recovered… back in tact, prepared to lie further.

I say something to the affect of – yeah he’s still out of town.
And Bob in typical Bob 150watt bulb in my face followed by the interrogative questioning says – so what? Is he like your friend? Boyfriend? You want to be with him, or what?

He’s given me the perfect opportunity; the perfect out to say – yes, yes that’s my boyfriend and we’re madly in love and living happily ever after… and I am 3 months pregnant with his kid – but instead I decided to say no, he’s just a friend.

Bob says his standard I’m going to take you to lunch bit… which hasn’t even made it past saying he is going to do it... and scurried off.

I’m sort of over this whole gay ordeal. Lunch date or not. I’ve been building it up to be funny and that I could get the one up on this date, but really… all I’ve gotten out of this is annoying conversations and possibly a stalker. Hard to say.

Nonetheless, I think I will come up with something to repulse him… Maybe I will tell him I got knocked up. Maybe that “lunch” with my buddy that was leaving for overseas… was a nooner resulting in a lovechild. I could pull that off. Well except the being pregnant part after a few months, I think that they’d be asking how come I’m not showing. That’s no good. I’m going to have to come up with something to shake this dude, because it’s like a damn fulltime job to keep up with him and the lies.

Plus I would hate for him to bust into a 24-hour Fitness or Bally’s or something and shoot down a room of women doing yoga or some shit and mow them down with an automatic gun only to leave a note saying he did it because he was tired of being rejected. People are nuts… and I probably shouldn’t be poking the guys in a straightjacket with a stick… One day, they’ll free themselves and return the torment – however, I don’t think it’ll make it to a blog per-se.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/bridgeville-gym-shooting-_n_251411.html