Conveniently, there is a Dunkin Donuts on the corner of my apartment complex. Seems like a sign from God that these delectable donuts are truly walking distance from my apartment and I have to literally drive by the place to go to work – everyday. So even on the days that I haven’t stopped, I have driven past Dunkin Donuts slowly and whispered something like – tomorrow… I will have you tomorrow – as one single tear is shed. Ok it’s not that dramatic, but our bond – the donut and I – it’s deep and it’s real… at least for the last 2 weeks anyhow.
Like anything forbidden, once you do it long enough, you start getting sloppy. You aren’t as careful and figure if you have gotten away with it for this long, you’re in the clear and start leaning toward the side of carelessness. Like at first, I wouldn’t tell my coworkers how much I was going to Dunkin Donuts. I would put them in my purse and walk into work nonchalantly. I mean, I wasn’t prepared to run the risk of someone seeing the bag and asking if there was a spare donut in there. I imagined that I would have unleashed something like – NO AND MINDYOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS – as I hurried by making no eye contact. Then as I realized one day that the bag was half hanging out of my purse and no one even noticed it, or if they did, they definitely didn’t ask me to share. Well, if that’s the case, I’m not going to smash these guys in my purse any more and I began to carry them in, in hand. Again, no one even seemed phased.
After a while, I started to wonder why it was that no one was even asking about the donuts or asking to have one. So I found myself announcing the donuts – in morning meeting. I’d say something along the lines of – I was going to get you all some, but I just didn’t have time this morning. The reaction wasn’t what I was looking for, in the least. It was blasé even. *Humph. Friggin donuts are amazing. What’s wrong with you people?*
Next, I decided that instead of buying donuts for the whole office, I would only buy a couple spare ones. This created exclusivity – less donuts then there were people in the office. I would buy 4 donuts; 2 French Crullers and 2 Plain Glazed. Taking on 4 would be no huge feat for me to undertake should no one feel the need to join me in my new-found love of the donut I could handle it, confidently. This partially worked. I ended up just offering a couple of them out to people that I actually like in the office. It generally left me with 2 donuts – 1 Cruller and 1 Glazed. A yummy glazy manage a trios of debauchery. So wrong. So bad, yet so good.
So first, I encountered shame and hid my growing love of the donut. Second, I found myself wondering why it was that no one else was even remotely interested in how delicious these donuts really are. I outted myself. Some might call it a cry for help. I generally classify it under the – I’m going straight to hell for eating crap that’s not good for me and I must take someone with me. Whatever. Donuts are delicious. One can only resist their doughy temptation for a short period of time. Then you find yourself sitting next to me, eating a Cruller and talking about the wonder and awe that is such a simple pleasure.
So up until now, my sloppy behavior and carelessness was reserved to something that was directly correlated to me as well as justifying a blatantly obvious extremely unhealthy pattern. Eh, you only live once. Furthermore, I keep telling myself that this too shall pass. I went on a cake kick for about 3 months several months back. Eventually, one day I woke up and was like – I don’t want cake any more. And that was that. So, eventually I will be over the donut, but for now – The donut is good. The donut is wise.
Today, while of course buying my 2 French Crullers and 2 Glazed Donuts, I hit a new mark of carelessness. I felt I was owed something. I mean, I really understand the value and amazement of the donut. I’m above the law. Untouchable Sugar-high.
I’m actually late to work this morning. I knew I was going to be late when I woke up to my alarm at 8:50am. It’s set for 7am. It’s hard to say if I hit snooze 12x or if I straight slept through an hour and 50 minutes of that horrific beeping.
>>Which quick aside – waking up to a shrieking alarm is just human cruelty. I don’t like it. I am considering revolting against all things alarm related. Except maybe fire alarms. I don’t know, I haven’t put much thought into how my revolution will look or take place. It’s something I will think about… probably over donuts… tomorrow.<<
So it’s 8:50am and I’m late. I now have to make choices. Quickly. If I shower, will I have time to get donuts? What if I shower but just don’t wash my hair? I washed it yesterday. Yeah ponytail and quick shower. Done. Quickly. What to wear? Hmm… well, this tank top and slacks that are actually clean, but slightly on the short side are here. Yeah. This is good. I’ll just wear my jacket all day given that it’s 41 degrees outside and I really did just put on a tank-top without a second thought. Done. 8:57am, I’m walking out the door. I mean, I’m not looking like I would get hit on at any point today, but damnit, I would have my donuts.
9:00am I pull into Dunkin Donuts. What’s this? The only car in the lot besides mine is a cop car. Right there. Right in front of the donut shop. Well, you have to be kidding me. This is greatness. I must have a picture. This will be new for me. When I come into work today, not only will I have some donuts to share but also a funny picture of a cop car in front of the donut store. I called that a damn good start to an otherwise bad morning. I pull out the old iPhone and line it up as best as possible without getting out of my car and making it too obvious that I am taking a picture of this classic stereotype. Beyond that, I can’t see the cop IN the Dunkin Donuts store so I wasn’t entirely sure where he was. The last thing I would want would be for him to catch me out there looking like an ass taking a picture of that. Click. Got a good enough shot that people would know what the score was.
I’m giggling in my car to myself thinking… this is great. When out of the corner of my eye, I see movement in the cop car. It was actually a Police Tahoe, which we all know the cops driving those around are pretty serious dudes. Holy shit. The cop was actually in the car when I took the picture. Did he see me? Holy shit. Holy shit. Is he leaving or is he just getting here? I have no idea. I wasn’t surveying the scene when I pulled up. I friggin had donuts on the mind. That was it. No checking to see what was happening around me. Holy shit.
Which for the record, I’m not sure why I was freaking out so much. Looking back on it, it was like it was all coming crashing down. Here I am at Dunkin Donuts. I’ve been here before. He has to know I have. He’s seen me here before. Does he know about my obsession with donuts? Have my friends sent him? Is this the beginning of the end of my having donuts on a regular basis? I liked how I got over cake. One day they feelings were just gone. No police involvement. This is dramatic. I can’t take it. I need to get a donut and think this out.
I hop out of my car at the exact same moment that the police officer exits his Tahoe. Holy shit. Ok, it’s cool… be cool. I don’t make eye contact and slow my pace so that he won’t have to hold the door to let me in 1st. Once inside, I’m standing behind him and my thoughts are split between Crullers and I think he saw me. There were a couple of people in front of him in the line and it’s taking longer than usual to ring up a couple donuts and have people be on their way. The cop turns around to me, looks me right in the face and says – were you taking a picture of my Tahoe outside?
And in what I assume was the guiltiest look (one he’d seen many times interrogating a criminal of sorts) I said – What? No? Why would I be taking a picture of your Tahoe? I furrowed my brow so as to hopefully show confusion and slight agitation at the mere assumption. He says – Well you know, a cop car at the donut shop. I was here the other day and someone literally pulled out their camera and took a picture. I thought it was kinda funny. Now even though he has given me the opportunity to admit that I had blatantly taken this picture as he used an assuring tone to say he thought it was kinda funny, I was not even remotely going to back down from my original story.
I did the only thing I knew to do. I started my next statement something like this – Oh, no. I didn’t even notice your car there. Although that is funny and maybe I’ll have to snap a shot on my way out. He chuckled and turned around. But then I got to thinking that that really didn’t provide an answer for why I had my phone up, in the direction of his Tahoe and the Dunkin Donuts sign. I must keep talking. So I say to him as his back is turned and for all intents and purposes, he believed the conversation was over and that I was a liar – I was looking for reception. The iPhone has gotten really bad about getting reception and dropping calls. *Wtf? Why are you still talking?*
He turns around and says – yeah, I have heard that AT&T is bad about that… And before he could finish his sentence which was seeming going to be followed by a more inquisitive question to prove I lied, was still lying and planned on continuing to lie the cashier asked him if he was ready to order. Good Lord. I side step to the other cashier and order quickly. I know what I want. I’ve been here before. I’m even certain the cashier was on his way to the Crullers before I’d even ordered them. We knew each other. I pay quickly, grab my bag and head out the door. The cop was walking out behind me. I didn’t stop to take the obligatory picture of his Tahoe at the donut shop; I just hopped in my car and took off. I actually think I broke at least 3 laws getting out of that parking lot quickly. I briefly looked back in my mirror with full anticipation of seeing red and blue lights, but there were none and I bee-lined to work.
Crisis averted.
What’s really sad though, is when I got to work I ate 2 donuts, gave 2 away and began thinking about if tomorrow was too soon to go back to Dunkin Donuts. I think I will give it at least a day. You know, let things cool off. Hopefully by then, this donut obsession will have fallen by the cake-wayside obsession. I don’t know. I really love me some donuts. I think I have a problem.
*And if you look close enough, you can actually see the cop sitting in the car. Something I didn't notice until I put the picture on my computer. It's all pretty Angela-standard.*
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