I say all that to say this next part. The part where things went terribly awry and I found myself smack-dab on the ass end of a fight that I had no idea was about to happen and had nothing to do with me.
I was at a little hole-in-the-wall bar recently, hanging out with the boyfriend and a couple of his friends that I hadn’t met before. Things were going just fine, initially. I was feeling a little frisky and had had, what I would consider to be, a little more alcohol than would have been recommended by, well anyone. But that’s where things were.
One of the guys that we were hanging out with that night had a girl with him. The way they were acting, I surmised that this wasn’t their first date. Reality of the situation was that – no, it wasn’t their literal first date – but it was definitely ONE of their first dates. The particular bar we were at, I had not been to before, but this guy had and had apparently had several first dates with several different girls that frequented that bar. He was calling them stalkers. I was calling them a byproduct of bad decisions given that it makes it hard to call a girl a stalker when you picked her up at her local watering-hole. Just sayin.
Well, his harem of left over broads had put their differences aside and formed a rock solid alliance. They were apparently expressing that they really weren’t feeling the fact that he had chosen to return to that bar with a girl that looked 12 and was really as cute as a button. Fair enough, but holy smokes… it’s not the Gangs of New York or anything, but they were clearly on a mission to prove a point.
I should note that I had ZERO idea about ANY of this until I was standing alone, face-to-face with 6 girls, again ALONE, and trapped in a bathroom the size of a pico-dot (pico roughly means: one trillionth part of x… AKA REAL effin small).
While we’re sitting at our table, the cute-as-a-button girl says – hey, will you come to the bathroom with me? Ordinarily, I would not have placated that request with an obligatory – yes – but I really needed to visit the facility at that point in time anyhow, so I said – sure. I hopped up and followed the way. Well, had I had like, I don’t know, 2 of my wits about me still intact, I would have realized she was asking me for a reason. I completely missed that little factor when I without reservation said – yes – to her request.
This particular bathroom was quite possibly the ABSOLUTE worst place to be in, strategically and logistically speaking, to be outnumbered and forced into a fight.
Alright, so again, I was completely oblivious to what was going on with this chick and this gang of chicks that had been building up aggressions for hours apparently (thus the bathroom invitation from who I will now forever refer to as – Dumbass). Dumbass walks in the bathroom first and I followed her in when I get that looming feel that something had shifted negatively in my universe. I do an over-the-shoulder-glance and find out real-quick-like that 5-6 girls who looked REAL pissed were uncomfortably close to me, basically guiding me into the bathroom without a way to retreat by blocking the only exit.
Awesome. What the hell is this?
So being that this was not my first experience in this type of particular situation, I started making a friggin plan. There were only 2 stalls and my objective was to follow Dumbass into the big stall and come up with a damned plan. Because I have news for you, we were ALL KINDSA SCREWED, if one or several of those insane broads started to feel froggy. Dumbass was an Asian chick the size and weight of a feather, so I really wasn’t going to be counting on her for much except for running interference if shit went horribly wrong. Which, my plan was to not have things go horribly wrong. Problem was, I felt like I was the only one in that bathroom that felt that way. Furthermore, I still had no idea why I was about to be jumped girl-gang style. So as I am walking behind Dumbass, I picked up the pace and was trying to follow her into the big stall, when I was met with the ass-end of the door as she closed it and locked it.
Superb, Dumbass. Superb.
I retreated quickly to the smaller stall before they smelled blood in the water and handled me before I even had a fighting chance. I mean come on, I can absolutely hold my own, if need be… but I couldn’t find a reason to need to be anything when I had no friggin clue what was going on in the first place. I got real caught up real quick when the friggin ringleader piped up about Dumbass being a man stealer and some such nonsense. I’m sitting in the stall, using the facility, because I was like – if this is gonna happen and I am about to eat the ass-end of a losing fight, I’m not trying to pee on myself as my final exit to stage left.
These girls are mouthing and mouthing. I’m saying stuff like – dude, this is not that serious… you’re problem isn’t with us… how about we all just calm the eff down – and all from INSIDE my tiny stall as I was buying time and coming up with something better. It would have been ideal to be in 1 stall coming up with a collective plan with the 2 of us, but nope… screw me, I was on my own.
By the time I was exiting my stall, Dumbass was at the SINK WASHING HER HANDS pretending like none of this was even happening and 90% because of her. For some reason, the pack had changed their focus to me and stepped aside to let Dumbass out. AND SHE LEFT. Now, riddle me this… WHO THE EFF EVEN DOES THAT?! Dumbass, that’s who. The circle of crazed broads tightened up and formed into a semi-circle around… well, yours truly. So there I was standing there pinned between 5-6 girls and a wall and not even a hope of making it to the bathroom door to get the hell out of there. I remember standing there thinking – dude, I’m 30… what the hell is happening here… I’m in a dress… I have psoriatic arthritis in my feet and I am seriously headed for the ass-end of an old school beat-down. 2-3 girls, maybe I could make a dent… but 5-6? Someone was going to lose and in my quick summation, it was inherently clear that that someone was going to be me.
So some words were definitely exchanged. I was really and truly trying to extinguish the fight because for 1, it wasn’t even my fight and 2, personally had Dumbass still been in the bathroom, I may have joined forces with the insanity and beat her ass myself for EVERYTHING she had ever done since her joyous birth. But that wasn’t where we were and they weren’t listening to anything that sounded remotely logical or rational.
And then it happened. That inevitable pause in the combative verbal foreplay… you know the one… like the eye of a hurricane… where everything calms and quiets to an uncomfortable stillness, and since the beginning of time, has always been followed by the unleashing of real bad shit with no rhyme or reason as to how or when the iron fist was coming down. I knew it. They knew it. They knew I knew it. I had never before been in a situation like this that I hadn’t personally set the stage for, for myself. And it had been the better part of 5-years or so since I thought I was Shera and should just fight the world with little to no righteous justification. The only thing I was counting on was the amount of rage that was brewing within me, that when this little dance was done, I would have retained enough energy to beat Dumbass’ ass DIRECTLY afterwards.
The literal second before things went horribly and irrevocably wrong the door to the bathroom swung open and one of the bartenders stepped in. I took my window of opportunity to side-step the EFF on out of there. I, with hurried pace, bee-lined to our table. And wouldn’t you know it… Dumbass lifted her face from making out with her man to say to me – where have you been? WHERE HAVE I BEEN? Where the eff were you? Who the eff stirs up a hornets nest of bullshit and leave someone who has nothing to do with any of it standing there to get her ass handed to her by 5-6 really drunk and pissed off she-men?
My guy was getting riled up at that point too, a little pissed off that I had been left outnumbered and literally intentionally, that he was asking me to calm down so he would calm down. Fair enough, I 100% tried to calm down. But Dumbass was saying shit like – oh, I had no idea… and if I had known, I would have told you… and nothing would have happened, I knew nothing would happen. YOU KNEW NOTHNG WOULD HAPPEN? Typically you would need to be present to KNOW that nothing was going to happen. Then her guy started in trying to further calm the situation saying – I really don’t think she knew. Which naturally, fired me the eff off again. I mean, by that point, I was livid pissed. Period.
The night was effectively over at that point and we all left not too long after that. I was still bitching about what the heck had happened as the same 5-6 girls walked out of the bar and continued to mouth off to ME. I turned around and was like – tell you what, I wasn’t ready then, but I am now and just set my purse down and started walking towards them. Screw it. I’d had enough. My guy was all – uh, there is no need to do any of that because they’re like 6 fat chicks getting into a tiny ass Kia… you have nothing to prove here. I said – touché and walked back. LOL. Probably why I actually like this guy. Ha!
Dumbass who was standing behind her dude and after I had calmed down slightly and was retreating towards my car, she says to me – Oh, you didn’t need to worry about them… I had us covered! SHE LIFTED HER SHIRT TO EXPOSE A FRIGGIN KNIFE!!! I shit you not. I can’t make this junk up. IT HAPPENED. I, without even saying a word, stared at her and stared LONG. The kind of stare I shared with the crazed girl-gang in the bathroom… you know the one…. the eye of a hurricane… where everything calms and quiets to an uncomfortable stillness. It was at that moment that her dude and my dude grabbed each of us and walked in different directions. Probably a good call in the end. But lord help me if I ever see Dumbass again. She really needs to get put in her place and have that knife snatched away from her. Then and only then, she might have a TINY glimpse as to what she left me to deal with that night.
Rant over.
